


CAN'T STOP THE PAIN

by ncsupnatfan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 40,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncsupnatfan/pseuds/ncsupnatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place when Sam announces he is going to college. This is my take on what happens afterwards. Hope you enjoy.  May be OC characters appearing. Family/Drama</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After the words leave Sam's mouth, Dean feels every bit of life drain from him. Sam announced he was going to college, he had been offered a full scholarship at Stanford in California. Their father went ballistic accusing Sam of deserting their family. Both get in a shouting match, but Dean can only stand there with a look of betrayal, hurt, sorrow and fear on his face. Words left Dean, none could be formed in his mind as he stood in shock.

"I don't want this life." Sam yells at his father.

"If you walk out that door, don't ever come back." John yells at his youngest son. His anger has taken complete control of him, he can't think, he can only lash out.

Sam slams the door behind him and starts walking toward the bus station. Tears threaten to split down his cheeks as he madly brushes them away. Sam knows how much he hurt his older brother, but he couldn't turn back now, not when he had a way out, had a chance for a future that didn't involve hunting.

spnspn

Dean fell back on the bed before his legs gave out on him. He had stood there and not said a word; he had watched his whole world walk out the door and did nothing to stop him. Ever since he was four, his purpose in life was to watch out for his baby brother, to keep him safe. This had been pounded in to his head by his father all his life. He had raised him as a solider, a warrior, a protector. 

"Did you know?" growled his father from across the room.

Dean looked up into his father's face and saw the hatred and rage etched across it. Dean licked his lips, but couldn't force the words to come out. Finally he shook his head no looking down at the floor so he wouldn't have to see the look on his father's face. The noise of shattering glass echoed through the room as John threw the glass he was chugging whiskey out of hit the door. Dean stiffened his body, but didn't move.

spnspn

Sam's steps faltered as he saw the lights of the bus station up ahead. He thought Dean would have come after him, would have tried to stop him, asked him to stay. But his brother never came, his shoulders slumped in disappointment, what would he have done if he did. Would he go back with him? Could he explain to Dean that this is what he wanted, make him understand he wasn't leaving him, but only moving on with his life. He still wanted to see Dean, he was his brother, his family. He didn't want to hunt the rest of his life, he wanted more. With a heavy heart, Sam closed the distance to the bus station and went inside.

spnspn

As the night deepened, John became falling down drunk. He couldn't believe his youngest had disobeyed him and left of all things, to go to college. Sam had always been good in school, maybe that was why he was so good with the research that needed to be done for their hunts. As he got older they seemed to butt heads all the time. He didn't understand it, all he wanted was to hunt down the demon who had killed his wife, their mother and put an end to it. He stumbled to the empty bed and collapsed on it.

His oldest son had long ago laid down on his bed, not even bothering to take his clothes off. Dean lay there as he listened to his father fall on the other bed in a drunken stupor. Dean swallowed back the ache that had been building up in his chest. He waited a few minutes to be sure his father was passed out before getting up and snagging the key to the Impala and quietly sneaking out of the room. He couldn't look at his father without feeling the anger weld up inside of him. He had drove Sammy away, had told him not to come back. How could a father do that to his blood, his family, his son?

There was just enough light from the partial moon to make out the dark, sleek, body of the Impala sitting in the parking lot. He walked to the driver's door and unlocked it so he could slip behind the wheel. Dean sat behind the wheel staring out the front windshield. He didn't dare look at the passenger seat beside him for fear of losing what control he had left. This wasn't happening, maybe he was dreaming, he'd wake up any moment to find Sammy curled up beside him still asleep. The sound that filled the Impala started out as a soft keening noise and escalated into a screaming sob. Dean beat the steering wheel with this hands as he let the pent up emotions out in the open as he gasp for air. 

"Dammit 'S’mmy!" Dean growled to the empty space as tears fell slowly down his cheeks. He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white as he tried to curtail his emotions enough to breathe. That hollow, empty feeling deep down in the pit of his stomach seemed to grow deeper and darker. The questions that kept bouncing around was, what do I do now? Where do I go from here? How am I suppose to go on with my life? Dean wiped a hand across his face as he scrubbed the tears from his eyes. He tried to pull air into his oxygen starved lungs as a panic attack threatened to consume him.

spnspn

The bus pulled into a bus station for a thirty minute layover. Sam clutched tightly to his pack as he waited for the other passengers to disembark the bus before he finally got up and went into the station. He kept to himself as he made his way to the bathroom and then out to the small cafe for a cup of coffee. Sam took his coffee and headed back to the bus and his seat. He let the heat of the cup warm his cold hands as he thought back over what happened six hours ago. He had lost his only family, he was alone now, alone in a world full of evil. Evil that he hoped would not follow him to college. Yes, he knew what hid in the shadows and what goes bump in the night, but he wanted a normal life. He wanted to be like normal people and do normal things; he wanted to have a life outside of hunting.

spnspn

"Dean, son, wake up." John told him shaking his shoulder.

Dean jerked awake and looked around. He was still behind the wheel of his car, in the parking lot of the motel they were staying in. He looked up into the red rimed eyes of his father and all those memories of the day before came flooding back into his subconscious. 

"You ok son?" John asked as Dean became fully awake. John pulled back when he saw the hatred in his eyes as he looked up at him. "You got something to say?" he frowned as his anger began to rise.

Dean pinched his lips into a thin line as he pushed by John to head back to their room. He grabbed his duffel and began to pack his clothes and other things in the bag.

John walked back into the room and stood twitching nervously as he watched his eldest gather his things from the room. He grabbed his things out of the bathroom and stuffed it in his bag before zipping it up and heading for the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" John growled at his son. "Dean!"

Dean didn't even give him so much as a glance as he stomped out the door and to the Impala, tossing his bags in the back. He got behind the wheel and cranked the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed out of town as his father stood in the doorway of the motel room and watched his oldest son drive away.

spnspn

Sam walked up the entrance to the student center. He followed the signs marked new student orientation to a table full of paperwork and upper classman directing people in the right direction. Sam took the stack of paperwork handed to him and a map of the campus. This was it, he was actually doing it, he was starting college.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sam could not believe his luck; he had secured a private room in one of the two remodeled dorms on campus. After sharing a room with his father and brother all his life, this was heaven. Yeah, it was just big enough for a long twin bed, desk, dresser and small closet, but Sam could not have been more happier. He even had a tiny bathroom all his own. He was on the second floor, corner room that overlooked the parking lot, but he didn't complain.

After buying a set of sheets, spread, towels, alarm clock and some basic items, he saw his money had dwindled down to twenty-five dollars. This was not going to last long, so he decided to start looking for a part time job near by. He was carrying more than a full load, but knew there was no other way to get money.

Sam picked up his cell phone and thumbed through the contacts, stopping on Dean's name. He looked at the name sadly wishing he had the courage to call him. It had been three weeks since that day he had left him at the motel with their father. Three long weeks of not hearing his brother's voice, his laugh, his snide remarks, even his snoring. Sam was heartbroken that he had not actually said good-bye to him. Shutting his phone off, he grabbed his backpack and headed out for class.

spn

The campus was huge, Dean thought to himself as he drove by dorms and classrooms looking for the administration building and financial aide. He had let his little brother walk out without even a good-bye or I'm proud of you. This weighted heavy on his soul. He was proud of Sammy for getting a full ride to this fancy college. Dean pulled into a visitor's parking space and got out looking carefully around at his surrounds.

Students were wandering around everywhere as Dean made his way into the building. He read the signs and headed down the hall toward financial aide. He stepped into an office with a young girl sitting at a desk.

"Hi, may I help you?" she inquired.

"I'd like to talk to a financial aide person." Dean asked. "Please." he added.

"If you'll have a seat, someone will be with you shortly."

Dean nodded and took one of the chairs by the door. He picked up a magazine off the table and thumbed through it, trying not to look nervous.

"Sir, Mrs. Taylor will see you now." the girl said smiling at him as she showed him to another office.

A middle aged woman stood as Dean walked in and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Mrs. Taylor, how may I help you today?"

"Dean, yes, my brother just started here and I want to get some money to him, but I don't want him to know it's from me." he explained getting to the point. 

"I see." she said arching one eyebrow. "Why can't you just give it to him directly?"

"We didn't...I mean... it's complicated. Lets just say we're haven't spoken in a while." he said hanging his head. "I want to help him, he's my family." Dean looked imploringly into her eyes.

"Well, I could say we found more money from the scholarship and give it to him." she suggested seeing how desperate he was. 

The young man's face lit up with that news and she saw a handsome, tired, hopeful face. She couldn't help but feel sorry for the young man to be on the outs with his brother. Family meant a lot to her and it seemed to mean a lot to him too. 

"This should help him get whatever else he might need." Dean said handing her five hundred dollars. 

"And your brother's name?" she asked taking an envelope out to write on.

"Sammy, Sam Winchester." he said. "He just started."

"Mr. Winchester, I will be sure your brother gets this today." 

"Thank you, would you mind if I bring more by as I get it?"

"No, I'll be happy to be the go-between, but I do hope maybe you can repair your relationship with your brother." 

"Me too." he mumbled getting up to leave. "Could you tell me what dorm he's in?" 

"I'm not suppose to, but give me a second." she said tapping on the keyboard on her desk. Taking a pad, she wrote down Sam's dorm and room number. "Here you go; you can get a map out by the door."

"Thanks." he nodded taking the paper and leaving. Dean grabbed a map on his way out and headed for his car. He knew he would have to be careful where he parked since his Baby was kind of hard to disguise.

spn

It was mid afternoon as Dean leaned against a tree in the quad sipping water watching everyone scurrying off to unknown destinations. They all seemed content and happy. He scanned the area looking for a tall, long brown haired kid among the hundreds milling around. He knew Sammy should be by here soon; it was a straight shot to his dorm.

Sam took the note and read it again as a slight frown creased his forehead. It was from financial aide, asking him to stop by their offices. He fumbled nervously with the note concerned that something was wrong with his scholarship. Taking a deep breath, Sam followed the hall down to financial aide and went in.

"Hi, I have a note asking me to stop by." Sam told the young girl at the desk.

"Your name?"

"Winchester, Sam." he replied.

"One moment." she responded heading for the other office.

"Mr. Winchester." a friendly voice called from the office. Sam followed the voice into the office and sat down. She looked him over and saw an eager, unsure young man.

"Mrs. Taylor, I got your note, is there something wrong?"

"No, on the contrary, I have some good news." she said handing him an envelope. "There was some additional money with your scholarship and I wanted to get it to you as soon as possible."

"Thank you." he smiled taking the envelope. 

"Have a good day."   
Sam walked out into the hall and opened the envelope to find five hundred dollars. He sucked in a deep breath and stared in amazement. Maybe things were looking up for him. With this money, he could hold off having to get a part time job. If he was careful and budgeted well, this could last him through the first semester. He headed out and back toward his dorm with a spring in his step and a small smile on his face.

spn

The crowds were thinning and Dean was about to give up when he saw a tall, lanky, figure walking his way. He stayed hidden behind the tree as the person got closer. His heart pounded harder in his chest as he recognized the person as his brother. Sam was making his way toward his dorm, at a slow pace. Dean looked him over and decided he seemed ok.

The afternoon was winding down as Sam walked toward his dorm in deep thought. He was calculating in his head how to budget the money to make it last as long as possible. At least having meal tickets would take care of most of his food. He would buy a few things to get by. Sam slowed his walking as he started to glance around him. Being a hunter for so long, he instincts where honed better than the normal person. A chill ran down his spine, kicking him into hunter mode. He searched the area with a hunter's eye looking for any threat. All his senses were telling him that someone was watching him. Sam only slowed for a few moments and then continued to the dorm, taking out a key to unlock the front door. He looked around one more time before heading into the building.

Dean let out the breath he was holding and eased around the tree. He could tell by his brother's reactions that he knew he was being watched. Lucky for him, Sam didn't press the issue and continued on to his room. Sam was a very good hunter and little got by him, but his brother was an exceptional hunter. He pushed himself away from the tree and began to walk back toward where he had left his car. 

Seeing his baby brother brought more pain than he cared to admit, but he had to see for himself that he was ok. Sam seemed good and he was relieved about that. Maybe, hopefully, soon, he would be able to gather the courage to see him. Not this time, the pain was still to raw for him to talk yet. He walked slowly, with his head down to the far corner of the parking lot, where his Baby was parked. With one final look around the campus, Dean pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the road that would take him away from his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sam settled into a routine schedule on campus. He had classes all day, homework, study groups and research in the evening. It was a simpler time for him. He made some friends, but was cautious how close he let them get. He was shocked at how fast the time went by. The first couple of months were hard. He missed his big brother so much. He picked his phone up so many times to call him, but something stopped him. What if he didn't want to hear from him? What if he was on Dad's side? What if he was glad he was gone so he wouldn't have to look out for him? Too many what if's for him to gather the courage to do it.

Finals for the semester would be coming up in two weeks and Sam was working hard on completing several assignments before the weekend. He wanted to have a few hours of free time to unwind, maybe catch a movie or something. He had been invited to numerous parties, but that just wasn't his thing, hanging around while kids got wasted, nope, he would pass.

spn

The weather was not cooperating as Dean pulled into a non descript motel in Stillwater, Oklahoma and parked. He turned the collar up on his jacket and made his way to the office to get a room for the night. He had just finished a hunt with Caleb a couple of towns over. They had both been tracking the same vampire nest and ended up combining their resources to take them out. He was glad too, there were more than he had thought and he couldn't have killed them all on his own. 

Caleb commented that he saw John a month back while tracking a werewolf up north. He told Dean John had asked about him. Dean didn't even acknowledge the remark, knowing he couldn't talk about his father yet, even though it had been nearly five months since he had last set eyes on him. Well not quiet true, he had seen him from a distance a couple months back when passing through a small town several days south of where he was now. 

Dean carried his bags into the room and tossed one on the bed and the other he sat on the table. He was trying to decide whether to shower before getting something to eat or after when his cell began to ring.

"Hello." he grunted.

"Dean, son how's it goin'?" Bobby Singer asked.

"Bobby, what's goin' on?"

"Was wondering if you could help me on a case?"

"Yeah, I'm free, just finished up a hunt and taking a quick rest tonight, where you at?" 

"Little town outside Amarillo, Texas, called Pampa on Highway 60."

"Ok, I'll head your way in the morning, where you staying?"

"Little motel called Silver Dollar Court Motel, room nine."

"See ya tomorrow then." 

"You boys be careful." Bobby commented not knowing that Sam was not with Dean.

"Right." Dean said hanging up. He would have thought Bobby had heard by now that he was hunting on his own, maybe not, Dean had not been very sociable lately. He guessed his father hadn't seen Bobby either. 

spn

The morning dawned cool and clear as Dean pulled himself out of bed and grabbed a quick shower before hitting the diner for coffee and an egg sandwich to go. He was on the road in no time and rolling toward Pampa, Texas.

It was going on one pm when Dean pulled the Impala into the parking lot of the Silver Dollar Court Motel. He drove around the complex looking for room nine. He spotted Bobby's Chevelle parked at the end of the lot and pulled in beside it.

Bobby looked up when someone knocked on the door. With gun in hand, he glanced out the peep hole before opening the door.

"Dean, good to see ya boy." Bobby smiled opening the door enough for Dean to enter. He glanced behind him for Sam and frowned when he saw he was by himself. "Where's that brother of your at?"

"Sam's not with me anymore." Dean said bluntly as he dropped his bag on an empty bed.

"He with your Dad?" Bobby asked slowly sensing he was out of the loop. He knew how the youngest Winchester and his father butted heads and couldn't see Sam staying with him. 

"No." 

Bobby looked over at Dean and saw the dark expression on his face. He knew whatever happened needed to be aired now if they were going to work together.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Bobby asked, pouring Dean a cup of coffee.

"Sam left, got a free ride to college, Dad freaked, told him don't come back." Dean blurred out sitting down at the table. 

Bobby let this information sink in for a few minutes, sipping his coffee before responding. 

"So where's your Dad?"

"No idea, I left. After how he treated Sammy, I left too. Dad was wrong." Dean explained with little emotion in his voice. "So what ya huntin'?" he asked closing the subject of his brother and father.

Bobby knew that expression and tone, he wasn't getting any more details from Dean. Maybe later, he could get more out of him. For now, he would fill the young hunter in on what his research had turned up.

"So you think there's a witch killing people?"

"My best guess, all the signs are pointing to it yeah."

"I hate witches." he grimaced. "Are there any connections between the victims?"

"All I could find was several of the vics went to a bar called Lone Star.""

"Good as place as any to start I guess." Dean commented getting up.

"Little early ain't it?" Bobby asked.

"It's never too early." Dean responded bluntly heading for the door.

Bobby stared at the boy trying to size him up. He had not seen the Winchesters in a number of years and this was not the boy he remembered. Something had changed in him and he didn't know when it happened. He needed to find Sam and see if he could get some answers.

spm

He followed Dean out of the room and to the Impala settling himself in the passenger seat. Dean pulled out of the lot and headed toward the main part of the town, knowing that was where all the bars and diners usually were located.

Dean walked into the bar and paused for a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. After a quick glance around the room, he sauntered to the bar and took a stool. 

"Hey good looking, what can I get you?" a good looking woman with a name tag of Joey asked Dean as she wiped the bar in front of him.

"Beer." he responded not picking up on her comment.

"Sure thing." she said drawing a draft and setting it on the bar.

Bobby joined him at the bar noticing the beer before him. 

"What can I get you?" Joey asked.

"Coffee, black." Bobby replied.

"Sure thing hon." she answered setting a cup in front of him and pouring the coffee.

"You work in the evenings too?" Dean questioned.

"Part of the time."

"Have you seen either of these two in the past two weeks?" he asked laying down two pictures of two of the victims.

Joey picked up the photos and studied them closely. She then looked back at Dean sizing him up.

"Who's asking?"

"FBI, we're looking into their deaths." Dean told her pulling out his badge and showing her.

Joey checked his badge and looked back up at him. "Yes, I've seen them a few times in here."

"Did they have any problems with any one in the bar?"

"Nothing stands out, but you might want to talk to Mitch, he works night shift most of the time."

"What time does he come in?"

"Usually around six, he should be here tonight."

"Thanks." Dean said finishing his beer and laying money by the glass. He gave Joey a nod and headed back outside.

Dean waited for Bobby by the car as he decided their next move. 

"Let's split up the victims and talk to family, see if they know anything."

"Drop me by the motel, I'll take the first two and you can have the last two." 

"I'll meet you back at the diner down from the motel; we can go ahead and grab dinner."

"Sounds good." 

spn 

The cool breeze blew gently through Sam's long hair as he turned his face to the sun. Even though it was the end of November, the weather was still pleasant. He had been applying to stores near the campus for a part-time job to make money during the holiday break. With what money he had left and hopefully a job, he would be able to stay nearby until he could move back into the dorms.

Sam let his mind drift as he thought about the upcoming holiday. This would be the first Christmas he would be alone. All other ones he at least had Dean with him. A wave of sadness swept over him as tears pricked his eyes. He wondered how his big brother was doing. Sam had thought that he might have called or even stopped by. Deep down in his subconscious, places that didn't see the light of day, he was really hurting. He would never air these thoughts, but they skirted around the edges of his mind waiting to be let out.

His phone began to ring startling him out of his sad thoughts about the holiday time he would be alone and wondering what he could do with his time.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After Bobby and Dean compared notes, they found one name that kept popping up. It seemed a Sonia Phillips had dated both the guys a couple of times each and the guys moved on to date the two girls that were also dead. Sonia was enraged at being rejected and used dark magic on the guys for breaking up with her. She blamed the girls for taking away the guys and used the same dark magic on them. They all died horrible deaths.

They found where she lived and caught her trying to cast another dark spell on another person who she  
thought wronged her. Dean did not hesitate to kill her before she could complete the spell. They set fire to the house to destroy all the magic objects in the house, but made sure the fire department was called, to be sure the fire didn't get out of control.

Bobby studied Dean carefully throughout the hunt, noticing how the young hunter was cold and calculating. He showed no emotions and was downright ruthless. He had called some fellow hunters and asked about Dean, only to get some unsettling information. Caleb commented on how he saw a change in Dean too, he told Bobby at one point Dean scared the hell out of him. Pastor Jim tried to get Dean to talk to him, but he shut him out and left, just like his Dad before him.

Bobby had helped raise the Winchester boys and still felt like a second father to them. It pained him to see the mysterious change in Dean and was going to try to get to the bottom of this before he lost his adopted son.

spn

The sun was setting when Dean got back to the motel with some food. He sat the bags on the table and tossed his jacket on the bed.

"So where you off to now?" Bobby asked Dean as he pulled the containers out of the bag.

"Don't know, may head west." Dean answered without emotion.

"Why don't you follow me back, take a couple of down days, I got a couple of old cars I could use some help on." Bobby suggested. He wanted to get the boy into a familiar setting and try to get him to talk.

"Don't know, maybe." he grunted pulling his burger and fries closer. He had already thought about asking Bobby if he could crash at his place for a few days, but didn't want to seem needy. Him asking made it acceptable to say yes.

"Well, ya ain't got anything else going on and I could use the help. So ya gonna come?" 

"Ok, maybe for a few days." Dean decided.

It would be good to have a few days of downtime and work on some cars. Maybe it would take his mind off the guilt and hurt he still felt. Dean had become a fierce and cunning hunter and whenever possible, he worked alone. He didn't take crap from anyone and trusted no one.

"Let's get some rest tonight and head out in the morning." Bobby commented.

"Fine by me." he grunted not really being very sociable. 

"So where's Sam in college at? Maybe I can send him a care package." Bobby inquired, trying to be as matter a fact about the question as he could. He didn't want to seem too eager to know where Sam was.

"Stanford." Dean mumbles the one word.

"As in California, Stanford?"

"Yeah."

"I knew the kid was smart, but damn, that's impressive any way you look at it."

"I left something in the car; I'll be back in a minute." Dean answers, ignoring anything to do with Sam.

Bobby watched the young hunter stalk out of the room knowing he was not getting the entire story here. Something was definitely off with Dean and knowing him, it was going to be like pulling teeth to get him to talk about it. He was never one to let his emotions show; he always kept them bottled up and pushed down in some corner of his mind so the world wouldn't think him weak. Bobby knew John had drummed into his eldest son that showing emotions could be construed as a sign of weakness. The only time he had seen any emotion from him was when something was wrong with Sam. Now he couldn't even talk about him, yep, he needed to do some digging.

spn 

Dean walked back in empty handed and snagged the remote for the television. Bobby noted the empty hands, but didn't broach the subject with him. Dean settled down on his bed and began to channel surf searching for something to watch. He didn't attempt to make any idle small talk with Bobby as he stopped the television on a western. After adjusting the pillows, he settled back on the bed to watch the movie.

spn

Bobby was up early the next morning packing and getting ready to head back to Sioux Falls. He looked up as Dean began to stir. 

"You awake son?"

"Yeah, getting there." Dean grunted rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He tossed and turned part of the night, so he was still tired.

"I'm 'bout ready to head out."

"Go on, I wanna get a shower and I have somethin' I need to do." he said sitting up on the side of the bed. "I'll drive your way when I'm done." 

"Ya sure, I don't mind waiting."

"Yeah, go on, it may take me a day or two, but I'll be there by the end of the week."

"Ok, then, you be safe then son." he said gripping his shoulder tenderly before leaving.

spn

Dean sighed as the door closed and he was left by himself. He forced himself up and headed for the bathroom to shower. It was going to be at least an eighteen hour drive to Stanford and he needed to get on the road. Dean had already goggled Stanford and knew that the quarter was almost over. He wanted to get there to drop off the money he had before the new quarter started. Between his poker winnings and hustling pool, he had nearly eight hundred dollars put back for Sam.

Dean stiffened as the hot water beat down on his head and shoulders. He stood under the hot spray letting it wash away grime, dirt and tension. Knowing he needed to get on the road, he grabbed his shampoo, soaped his hair and rinsed it before soaping his body and rinsing the suds off. He grabbed a towel and quickly dried off before donning his clothes. He grabbed his belongings and stuffed them in his pack, giving the room a once over before heading to the car.

Checking a map, he found the quickest route to Stanford, California and pulled out on the main road. He turned on the radio and found a classic rock station, settled down and pushed toward Stanford. The sooner he got there and dropped the money off, the sooner he could head for Bobby's.

Dean pulled into a 24 hours truck stop to tank up and catch a couple of hours sleep. He had been pushing pretty hard and was over halfway there, but his body was screaming for a little sleep. He knew better than to drive further without rest, there was no way he wanted to wrap his Baby around a tree or telephone pole.

Dean found a parking space in the corner of the lot and backed in. He got as comfortable as he could and let himself drift on the tide of sleep. Darkness crept thru his mind as he pushed to relax and give his body some rest.

Before he knew it, three hours had passed and a truck horn woke him. Getting out of the car, he stretched and walked toward the restaurant for a large, strong cut of coffee and a bathroom break. If he was lucky, he could get there after two am, grab a motel room, get some sleep and run by the campus the next morning.  
It shouldn't take him long there and he could head for Sioux Falls and Bobby's. 

spn

Sam fumbled with his cell, with a slim hope that it would be his brother finally calling. He flipped the phone opened and answered.

"Hello."

"Sam, son how ya doin'?" Bobby asked glad to hear his voice.

"Bobby! Good to hear from you." Sam gushed, happy to hear a familiar voice. 

He had always loved staying with Bobby when he was younger. Their Dad would leave them at Bobby's when he was going to be gone for a long period of time on a hunt. Bobby never treated him like a little kid, he always felt more grown up around him. Bobby taught him a lot about supernatural, but he also let him be a kid and that didn't happen very often.

"I heard through the grapevine that you were going to college at Stanford."

"Yeah, my choice." 

"I have a sneaking feeling your Dad didn't take kindly to that?"

"No." Sam said sadly. "He told me not to come back."

"Sonovabitch, that hardheaded bastard." Bobby growled more to himself than Sam. "Sam you know your Daddy didn't mean it, he can be the most self centered ass I've ever seen."

"It's ok Bobby, I made my choice, he's just going to have to accept it." Sam continued. "Er-r have you seen Dean?"

"He not been in contact with ya?" Bobby asked in surprise.

"No, haven't seen him since the day I left, I didn't even tell him good-bye." Sam said unhappily.

"Look son, when ya out for break?"

"I take finals next week and won't start back until January 4th for the next quarter."

"You know there're running some good specials 'cause of the holiday, why don't you come and stay with me until school starts back? I'll have a ticket waiting for you at the airport. It'd be good to see you."

"Thanks Bobby, I don't know what to say?" Sam smiled happily relieved he wouldn't have to spend the holiday by himself and he would be with family.

"Say yes."

"Yes! My last day is December 16th."

"The ticket will be in your name, at Delta Airlines. Call me when you get in and I'll come pick you up."

"I will, and Bobby; thanks." he said softly as he blinked back tears.

spn

Bobby hung up and cussed John Winchester with a passion. How he could do something so stupid to his youngest son was beyond him. If he saw him again, they were going to have some words. At least now he had an idea what caused some of Dean's personality changes. He was dealing with the loss of his brother the only way he knew how, throwing himself fully into hunting, becoming a ruthless, deadly hunter.

spn 

Dean rolled the Impala through the bustling streets of Stanford Campus. It was mid-morning and the students were hurrying everywhere. Dean frowned, wondering why it was so busy this time. He didn't know the schedule changed the last two weeks when finals began. 

Finding a parking space was a little harder; he had to walk from the back lot this time. Heading into the Administration Building, he dodged harried looking students rushing down the halls. Luckily Financial Aid wasn't busy and he only had to wait ten minutes to see Mrs. Taylor.

"Hello, nice to see you again Mr. Winchester." she smiled holding out her hand for him to shake.

"Same, I wanted to drop this off for my brother." he said getting to the point as he handed her an envelope with the money.

"I will see that he gets this. You know it's a good thing you're doing for your brother, helping him like this." she commented noticing the slight change in him since the last time. He seemed more harsh, more serious, dark even.

"Yeah, right, so I'll be going now. Thank you for the help." he replied his facial features never changing.

Dean walked out of the building and started down the sidewalk when a tall, long haired kid caught his eyes. He weaved to the left and behind a statue before the kid looked up and saw him. As he drew closer, Dean saw he was right, it was his baby brother. Sam was reading something in a notebook as he strolled toward the Administration Building. Dean slipped on around the statue giving his brother a good once over before heading away from him.

Sam slowed his walk and looked up glancing around at the people around him. He looked back over his shoulder getting that feeling he was being watched by someone. His hunter instincts kicked in as he frowned and surveyed the scene with a closer eye. For a brief second he thought he saw a familiar leather jacket turning the corner. He took a few steps that way and stopped thinking he was only seeing things, because he wanted it to be his brother. Shaking his head, he turned to go in the building. If Dean had been here, he would of found him, wouldn't he Sam thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. Any comments are appreciated NC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dean pulled into a small motel on the other side of Denver to stop for the night. He knew he couldn't drive any further without some sleep. He was about halfway to Bobby's and knew he couldn't push himself any more, not after almost running off the road when he had nodded off. 

He got a single and carried his bags inside locking and salting the door and windows before collapsing on the bed. Dean unlaced his boots and kicked them off, not bothering with his clothes. Ten minutes later he was balancing between alpha and theta sleep as his body twitched when the dreams began.

spn

"It's getting late John, why don't you go on to bed." Pastor Jim asked his friend. He couldn't believe how much he seemed to have aged since the last time he saw him. The wrinkles around his eyes and mouth were deeper and more pronounced. His demur had hardened over time.

"Naw, I'm good." John replied sipping on the beer in his hand.

"Want to talk about it?" Pastor Jim asked quietly. "I know something weighting on you."

"No." he said bluntly.

"John, I've known you for a number of years, you can't lie to me, it's about your boys isn't it?"

John's expression darkened for a moment and he drew his mouth in a tight flat line. He wasn't one to air his problems with anyone. He didn't go for all that bear your soul crap and was not a touchy feely kind of guy.

Pastor Jim waited patiently to see if John would talk to him. After seeing Dean and talking to Bobby, he knew things were not good between John and his boys. He hated to see his friend like this, but knew how stubborn he could be and unforgiving. 

"I saw Dean a while back. Didn't have a lot to say either. Sure seemed to be some anger in him. Couldn't get him to talk either. Wonder where he gets that from?" he asked John knowingly.

John huffed and got up from the sofa. "Think I will head to bed. Good 'nite."

Pastor Jim shook his head sadly as he watched John stalk away. He couldn't understand why the Winchester men were so bull headed and quick-tempered. Well he knew the boys got it honestly, their dad was one of the moodiest persons he knew. He sipped the last of his tea and decided to turn in too.

spn

Exhaustion weighted heavy on Dean as he drew nearer to Singer Salvage Yard. He decided to drive eight hours and sleep a few hours in the car and eight more before getting a motel room for some much needed rest. He did the same for the last leg, stopping after eight hours for a few hours of sleep and then driving on through to Bobby's.

Dean slowed and turned down the familiar driveway that brought back memories of all the times they had stayed with Bobby over the years. Being here brought back that bond both brothers had with Bobby, they thought of him as a second father.

Bobby looked up from the book he was reading; when he heard a familiar rumble of a car engine he'd recognize anywhere. He pushed the chair back and went to the front door opening it before the car engine quieted. He saw the dark figure get out of the driver's side and make his way to the porch.

"Son, glad you finally made it." Bobby smiled at the young hunter. "Did you get everything taken care of?"

"Hey Bobby, yeah, I'm good." he said fatigue and exhaustion weighting heavily on the young man.

"Come on in; head upstairs, your room's ready, looks like you're going to keel over any minute."

"Thanks, a bed sounds pretty good right now." 

"I'll see you in the morning. Get some rest."

Bobby watched Dean shuffle up the stairs with head down and shoulders slumped. He wondered just how far he had driven since last seeing him. Shaking his head, he went back to his desk and began to study the book on demons again. He slammed the book shut when he realized nothing was sinking in. He was tossing around ideas on how to get his family back together.

spn

There was a plane ticket waiting for Sam so he could go and stay with Bobby during the school break. Now if he could just keep his hot headed brother here, maybe they could air their feelings and get over it. He could always pull the distributor cap on the Impala, which would keep him from driving away. If worse came to worse, he could toss them both in the panic room and lock the door. 

He had a week or so to soften Dean up before Sam was due to arrive. Bobby started a list of food he needed to pick up in the next few days. He'd get Dean working on those two cars and see if he couldn't use a little psychology on the boy to get him to talk. With a sigh, Bobby decided to call it a night and headed for bed too.

spn

The sun was high in the sky when Dean rolled over and decided to join the living again. He lay in the bed letting his body wake up. It had been a long time since he was able to let himself relax enough to actually sleep. He kept himself on edge and alert, letting your guard down in this line of work could get you killed.

Rolling his shoulders, he pushed himself into a sitting position on the side of the bed and yawned widely. Looking at the clock beside his bed, he was surprised to see that it was almost one pm. He couldn't believe Bobby let him sleep this long. Grabbing some clothes and his bathroom bag, Dean headed for the bathroom to take a shower; hopefully it would make him feel a little more human.

"Was beginin' to think ya would sleep all day." Bobby said as Dean made his way to the kitchen.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Dean grumbled taking a cup and pouring coffee. He walked over to the kitchen table and sat down beside Bobby.

"Well, I figured you could use a decent night's sleep. How long since ya had one of those?"

"Too long." he remarked.

"Thought I'd run into town for supplies, need anything?"

"Pie." Dean answered.

"I think that's a given, if you wanna make yerself useful, the two cars that need workin' on are in the garage."

"Great, I'll check them out while you're gone."

"Shouldn't be long. There's bread for toast and jam's in the fridge." Bobby replied grabbing a set of keys from a hook and heading out the back door.

"Thanks Bobby." he called after him. 

Dean made toast and smeared strawberry jam over both pieces. He munched on the toast as he wandered toward the garage to see how bad a shape the cars were in. He sipped his coffee and looked up at the cloudy sky. It looked like bad weather was on the way. He shivered slightly as he pulled the door to the garage open and walked in. The air was cool so he switched on the heater for warmth.

spn

Dean spent the rest of the week working on the two cars. He salvaged parts from other junkers in the yard and almost had one running and the other wasn't far behind, he only had to find a couple more parts.

"Sleep good son?" Bobby asked Dean as he scrambled eggs in a pan for breakfast.

"Not bad." Dean yawned rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He poured a cup of coffee and watched Bobby finish the eggs.

"They're calling for some bad weather possibly the next few days, why don't you put yer car in the empty bay, give her a once over while you're at it, get her outta the weather?"

"Just might do that." Dean surmised chewing on a bite of egg. "She could use an oil change."

"Use what you need." Bobby told him as he read through the paper.

spn

Sam walked out of his last class and last final with a feeling of accomplishment. He had done it; he had made it through his first quarter of college. A couple of his fellow classmates spoke as they walked by wishing him a happy holiday. He returned the greetings and hurried off toward his dorm. 

Luck was with him, he had talked the janitor into letting him put his few boxes of belongings in the basement until the next quarter started. He had helped him fix a heating problem and the man was grateful. Sam had most of his things packed already, except what he was taking to Bobby's. He was excited to get away for the break and be able to spend it with family.

"Thanks for letting me leave these here, Mr. Graham." Sam said as he sat boxes in the corner of a small office.

"Not a problem Sam. Not like anyone's going to be here over the holiday." Mr. Graham responded.

"You have a good holiday sir."

"Same to you. Just come on back by when you get back and I'll let you in."

"I will."

Sam headed back to the dorm to pick up his bags and get a ride to the airport from one of the guys in the dorm. He was going to give Bobby a call from the airport to let him know his arrival time. Dan was waiting on him as he ran to his room to get his bags.

spn

Bobby was doing some research for a fellow hunter when his cell rang.

"Hello."

"Bobby, its Sam. Wanted to let you know I'm at the airport, should be boarding in thirty minutes. Schedule says we're supposed to be in Sioux Falls around four-thirty, that is if there's no problem."

"I'll be there, you be careful son." Bobby said checking the time. Dean was out in the garage working on the Impala. Bobby was glad he had it torn apart and wouldn't be able to drive away when Sam got here. He knew he was being sneaky, but someone had to step in and slap them both up side the head and knock some sense into them.

Dean was under the Impala when Bobby strolled into the garage.

"Son, I'm going to run a couple of errands and pick up some dinner for tonight."

"Sounds good." he called from under the car. 

"Be back later."

spn

Sam looked out the window of the plane as it circled Sioux Falls Airport. The weather was starting to move in and he was glad they got there before it got worse. He could see flakes of snow falling as the plane lined up with the runway. They were delayed in Denver for two hours instead of one and were late getting in.

Bobby stood to the side of the corridor where the plane was unloading. He watched for that familiar face as the people began coming down the hall. They began to thin out when he saw a tall, lanky frame coming down the hall. A smile spread across his face as the boy drew closer.

"Sam! Son, good to see ya." Bobby smiled slapping him on the back and pulling him in a bear hug. "Just like the airlines to be late."

"Bobby good to see you too." Sam grinned back at his surrogate father.

"Come on, let's get out of here. I'm going to pick us some takeout for dinner tonight."

"Sounds good." Sam said walking toward the front doors. Since his bags were small he was able to carry them on and didn't have to wait at the baggage claim area. "Looks like a storm is coming through."

"Yeah started up about an hour ago, at least it's not heavy yet."

"What are they calling for?"

"Few inches, but may have some ice too." 

"Sounds messy. Do you have enough food?"

"Yeah made a run the other day and stocked up." he said sliding in the driver's seat as Sam threw his bags in back and got in the passenger seat.

"Wow Bobby, the temperature really dropped fast." Sam said pulling his light jacket closer around him. "May not have brought heavier enough clothes."

"I think there may still be some things at the house, not sure if they'll fit now. You may have to check out a couple of thrift stores." 

"Yeah, I might." he said warming his hands in front of the vent. He sat back and watched out the window as everything was starting to look like a winter wonderland. The snow was sticking to everything and it looked like sleet was mixing in with the snow. 

"Why don't you leave your things by the stairs and let's eat before it gets any colder." Bobby said wanting to keep him from going upstairs. He didn't want to explain his brother's things in their bedroom.

"Sounds good I'm starved." Sam agreed sitting the bags down and following Bobby to the kitchen.

Bobby sat the bags on the table and went to the fridge to grab a couple of beers. He handed one to Sam who was taking a sip as the back door opened and someone came in. Sam turned at the noise and froze like a deer in headlights. He choked on the mouth of beer as he tried to catch his breath to say something.

spn

Dean heard the growl and rumble of Bobby's car as he pulled up to the house. He finished what he was doing and made a dash for the house. The snow and sleet was coming down heavier now as he stomped his feet before opening the back door and stepping into the kitchen.

"It's 'bout time you got..." Dean trailed off as he took in the two people standing in the kitchen.  
A look of shock and softness flickered across his face for a second to be replaced with anger and a darkness. He looked at Bobby with a look of betrayal before glancing once more at his younger brother. Without another word, he stalked back out the door and toward the garage.

"Dean." Sam whispered in shock when he saw Dean standing in the kitchen door wiping his hands on a rag. His heart caught in his throat as he tried to make words come out, but could only get a strangled grunt out. Before he could recover, Dean had turned and headed back out the door.

"Dammit Dean!" Bobby called after him to no avail. "Come back here!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Tears froze on his lashes as he stomped back to the garage. Dean slipped back through the door and looked over at his Baby. He still had the tires off the Impala checking the brakes, so he couldn't leave. Bobby thought he was smart, that's why he wanted him to work on the car, he knew Sam was coming. Well he'd fool him; Dean walked over to one of the other cars and closed the hood. Grabbing the keys and opening the garage door he cranked the car and pulled out. Dean hit the gas and the car jerked as it sped up and pulled away from the house. He could see Bobby in the doorway and Sam standing behind him as the car pulled farther from the house. 

Dean turned on the main road and felt the car slide as the wheels grabbed for traction. The tires were almost bald and not suitable for the conditions that the roads were in now. Dean was too distracted with his thoughts to realize he was going too fast for the slick roads. His mind was churning with so many emotions he couldn't sort them out. He blinked hard trying to keep his vision from blurring as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. Dean shivered wishing he had gotten the heat fixed in the car this morning. It didn't help the fact he had no jacket, only his coveralls on.

Spin

Sam looked at Bobby in shock as his mouth worked but he couldn't make his brain form the words he was trying to say. His face paled as the room began sway before he grabbed for the table to support himself. Things seemed to be moving in slow motion, he still wasn't sure what had just happened. His brother had walked into the kitchen and just as quickly stormed out without a word.

"Hell, I didn't know he had one drivable." Bobby frowned as he watched the car's brake lights come on as Dean turned onto the main road. "Your brother is a hardheaded jackass." Bobby grumbled as he closed the door and turned to Sam. "Sam, son, I'm sorry. I didn't think he would take off."

"Bob-Bobby. You didn't tell him I was comin'?" Sam finally got out in a gasp. "Why didn't you tell me he was here?"

"I wanted to get you two yaw who's together, knock some sense into both yer hard heads, if I had to."

"We need to go after him, with the weather gettin' bad, he doesn't need to be out there." Sam rambled in terror running his fingers through his too long hair. "God Bobby, what happened to my brother?"

"Let's give him a little time to cool off." Bobby decided grabbing his phone to call Dean. He listened to it ring and heard the shrill ring tone in the living room. Sam turned and looked on the couch where a jacket was hanging and a phone was ringing.

"He left his jacket; he was working on the cars. Do you think that old car's heater even works?" Sam asked worried for his big brother. He saw the snow and sleet seemed to be getting worse and things were getting coated in ice. South Dakota was known for its quickly changing weather and not one with much mercy.

"Balls! Not sure what was workin' or not workin'. Hadn't got a chance to ask Dean 'bout them."

"Bobby, we need to go after him, with this weather and Dean's state of mind..." Sam sighed hanging his head. This was not how he wanted a reunion with his brother to go. "Please Bobby; I don't have a good feeling about this. If something happens..." Sam struggled with the words as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

"Alright son, we'll take the tow truck, maybe we'll find him slid off in a ditch, no worse than that." Bobby said trying to comfort the youngest Winchester. His heart ached for these boys, they were like the sons he never had. He would do anything he could for them, including some hard love. The bond these boys had could not be broken that easily, he just had to make them see it. Both had the Winchester stubbornness and sometimes it got the best of them, blinded them to the way thing should be.

Sam grabbed his older brother's heavy jacket and slipped it on before following Bobby out to the garage and to the tow truck. Bobby cranked the truck, letting it warm up before heading out in the blowing snow and sleet. He turned the way Dean had driven and slowly made his way down the empty road.

Pulling the familiar jacket closer around him, Sam took in the smells that flooded his mind with memories. He smelled sweat, beer and gun powder, all that he associated with his big brother. They had to find him safe. He ran scenarios through his head while trying to watch for any signs of Bobby's car and his brother.

spn

Dean ran his arm over his face to wipe the angry tears away. How Bobby could have done this to him? He felt betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust; the one person who had always been on his side his entire life. Dean pressed harder on the gas and the car shot forward fishtailing on the icy road. Dean fought the wheel and tried to turn into the skid as he tried to get the car back under control. 

"Crap!" he muttered tapping the breaks as the car went into a skid and Dean's stomach lurched before he felt the momentum the car go over the bank and roll. It landed with a metal crushing impact at the bottom of the gully. Dean's unconscious body was thrown with a bone jarring crunch and splayed across the front seat. The car settled down in an upright position being supported by broken trees. Blood dripped down his face as his body began to cool in the frigid weather.

spn

Bobby slowly crept along on the icy road not seeing any other signs of traffic. Sam leaned forward trying to see through the blowing snow. 

"Bobby, do you think he's ok?" 

"I don't know son. I hope so."

"Shouldn't we be catching up to him by now? These roads are pretty bad."

"Let's go a little farther and we'll head back, you keep checking on the side over there in case he slid off the road. We'll check the other side on the way back."

Sam continued to shine the spotlight along the side of the road looking for broken trees or any sign of the car. He trembled in his brother's coat as he brushed a tear away that had slipped out of his eye. He had to toughen up; he needed to be strong for his brother. 

"I'm going to turn around, keep your eyes peeled on the other side; some of these gullies are deep." Bobby told Sam as he carefully turned the truck around and headed back toward the salvage yard.

Two miles back down the road Sam noticed something in a gully that reflected when he shone the light down the hill.

"Bobby stop!" Sam yelled fumbling to open the door. "Call an ambulance, I see the car. Crap oh crap!"

Jumping out of the truck and sliding to the edge of the road, he paused for a moment trying to find the best route down to the car and his brother. Sam worked his way over the edge and crawled, slipped, and skidded the hundred feet or more, to the car. He looked in the broken driver's window and saw Dean lying splayed out unconscious on the seat. With all his strengthen, he jerked on the door, trying to get rid of the barrier that kept him from his injured brother.

"Bobby, do you have a crowbar. I need something to pry the door open with." Sam yelled up to Bobby.

"Hold on." he called back. Bobby got his largest crowbar and tied a rope around it before tossing it down to Sam. Sam watched it sail through the air and land to his right. He fell several times as he made his way to the crowbar and untied it. 

With crowbar in hand, Sam attacked the door again using brute force to finally get it open. He pushed it back as far as he could before jerking his brother's coat off and draping it over his still body. 

"Don't move him Sam." Bobby yelled down knowing he could cause more harm than help. 

Sam saw the blood on Dean's face and felt his neck for a pulse. He rubbed his hands together to warm his fingers and tried again to find a pulse. Closing his eyes and concentrating, he finally felt a faint, thready, beat. Letting out the breath he was holding, Sam ran his hands down Dean's body trying to determine any other injuries. He was sure Dean had a broken left arm, his body was too cold and Sam found another cut on his leg. Sam quickly took a bandana and tied it tightly around Dean's leg. He needed to get him warm, but Sam didn't have anything else to cover him with. 

"Bobby, where's the ambulance?" he yelled back up to Bobby. He paced back and forth by the car trying to keep himself warm.

"Five minutes, Sam. I can hear them." 

"Do you have any blankets?"

"Yeah, hold on." Bobby called, looking in the back of the truck for an old blanket he kept there. 

Sam made his way part way up the hill and got the blanket. He worked his way back down catching his foot on some ice covered branches and twisting his ankle. Sam limped down to the car and threw the blanket over Dean tucking it around him. He looked up when he heard a siren coming their way.

spn

Two paramedics worked their way down the hill and guided the basket Bobby was letting down by a rope.

"Hurry, it's my brother." Sam said helping with the basket. 

"Let’s get a collar on him." the older paramedic said getting equipment out of the basket.

"Got it." the younger replied working his way into the car to start administering first aid.

They got a collar on Dean and slid a back board behind him, strapping him down. With utmost care, Dean was worked out of the car and into the basket. One started an IV and the other started checking vitals. Sam stood behind them feeling useless as they worked on his brother. 

"Ok, we need to get him up the hill." 

"Bobby tie the rope off, I'm coming up." Sam yelled. "Let me get up there and I'll help pull him up." 

"Sounds good, hurry, we need to get him to the hospital."

"I will." 

Sam pulled himself to the top and with Bobby's help they pulled Dean up the hill and the paramedics got him in the ambulance. 

"I'm riding with Dean, you follow." Sam instructed Bobby.

"I'll be right behind you." Bobby replied heading for the truck.

The ambulance pulled away and headed for Sioux Falls General Hospital ER as fast as the icy roads would allow. 

Sam clutched his brother's jacket as he watched the paramedic monitor his brother's vitals. The younger paramedic notified the hospital they were on their way with an accident victim.

"Male, age 26, car crash, head injury, broken left arm, possible internal bleeding, vitals, BP 60 over 40, pulse, thready and weak, respiration shallow, victim unconscious, IV ringers started." the paramedic informed the ER doctor.

"Get him into exam room 4, we'll need a head ct, chest x-ray, left arm x-ray, full blood workup, type and cross match and alert the OR." the ER doctor ordered as the nurses got his clothes cut off and gown on him. Sam watched them work on his brother as his body began to shake as it tried to warm up. 

"Sir, are you related?" a nurse asked.

"Yes, he's my brother." Sam finally got out. 

"His BP's dropping, we need to get him to surgery now." the doctor ordered as the machines began to beep warning signs that Dean was in trouble. Everyone jumped into action and got Dean stable enough to head for surgery.

"I'm going to need you to fill out some forms, you can sit over here."

"I need to be there for my brother." Sam complained trying to follow the gurney that carried his brother to the OR.

"They're taking him to surgery. If you'll fill out these forms and sign here allowing us to treat him, I'll take you to the OR waiting room." she said kindly.

spn

Bobby hurried into the ER looking around for the younger Winchester. He spotted him being led down a hall and headed after him. 

"Son, how's yer brother?" Bobby asked catching up with him as they stopped at the surgery waiting area.

"They had to take him to surgery." he replied looking down at the forms in his hands. "Bobby, how do I fill these out? Hell, I don't even know what name to put down." Sam slapped his hand on the clip board with the papers. 

"Take it easy, it's not going to help Dean if you lose it." Bobby spoke softly to him.

Sam shook his head as he tried to rein in his emotions. He was still clutching Dean's jacket tightly to his chest rubbing his hand over it. He rubbed his hand over the front of the jacket and felt a small lump in a pocket. Reaching in the pocket, he pulled out Dean's worn wallet.

"I didn't even think about the jacket." Sam said as he began to look through the wallet. He pulled out a medical insurance card and began to copy the information onto the form. "Has he been hospitalized or had any injuries in the past year?"

"Couldn't say, I called him to help me with a job not to long ago, but before that, don't know."

"Well, I filled out what I could." he said opening the wallet back up to put the card back. He saw a ragged piece of paper flutter to the floor and picked it up unfolding it. His eyes got wide and he drew in a deep breath as he read what was written in his brother's handwriting.

"Sam you ok?" Bobby asked unsure what Sam was looking at.

Sam looked over at him and back down at the paper. He handed it to Bobby to read.

"What is this?" Bobby asked as he read the name on the paper and an address.

"That's the person I've been seeing at Stanford who handles financial aid, I have to go by each quarter to sign paperwork and be sure there's no problems. Why would Dean have her name?" Sam questioned.

"No idea."

"You know, I thought I saw him on campus a couple of weeks ago." Sam huffed. "Put it down to my imagination, maybe it was him, but why wouldn't he find me?"

Bobby thought back, that was when Dean and him had finished up that hunt and Dean had disappeared before coming to his place. He began to put two and two together and was getting more than four. 

"He's going to be alright, won't he Bobby?" Sam asked looking at him earnestly. 

"I don't know son, I just don't know." Bobby answered sadly knowing that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

Sam slipped the wallet back in the jacket pocket and hugged it tightly to him, as a quiet sob escaped his lips. He doubled over burying his face into his brother's jacket and let it muffle his weeping. Bobby laid a strong hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed it trying to give Sam some comfort.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The quietness of the room was making Sam anxious and nervous as he got up to pace from one end to the other. He checked his watch and looked toward the doors of the operating rooms. He fidgeted and bit at his nails as he walked back over to Bobby.

"Why aren't they telling us anything?" 

"Sit down son, they'll tell us something when they can." 

Knowing he couldn't sit still, Sam continued to walk around the room saying a silent prayer for his brother. He couldn't lose him, not like this, not now. Dean had to be ok; he needed his big brother. Sam finally sat down on the edge of a chair and dropped his head in his hands. He fought back the emotions that were bombarding his thoughts, imaging only the worse. A soft sob escaped his lips when he realized tears were dampening his hands. He quickly swatted a hand across his face to erase the tear tracks. He glanced quickly at Bobby to see if he saw or heard, but Bobby knowing Sam didn't want the attention, pretended not to notice his tears.

spn

Three hours later a middle aged man in scrubs walked into the room. Bobby and Sam jumped up guessing it to be the doctor. They waited as he walked toward them.

"Whitmire family?"

"Yes, he's my brother." Sam said quickly anxiously waiting for the news.

"I'm Dr. Russell; your brother is out of surgery and in recovery. We were able to stop the internal bleeding and set his broken arm. He has a couple of cracked ribs, numerous contusions, but what I'm worried about is the swelling in the L2-L3 area of the spine and a head injury. He is still unconscious and we won't know the full extent of his injuries until he wakes up."

"When you say swelling, is there something wrong with his spine?" Sam asked not liking the sound of that.

"Until the swelling goes down, we won't know if any damage was done to the spine. There could be a chance of paralysis, but I'm hopeful once the swelling is down, there won't be any permanent damage."

"What about his head?" Bobby asked.

"He suffered a hard blow to the head, severe concussion, but there doesn't seem to be any hemorrhaging or swelling on the brain at present. We'll keep a close eye on that also."

"When will he wake up?"

"I don't know, it's up to him, his body took a beating when the car rolled, and it is going to need time to heal."

"When can we see him?" 

"They're moving him into ICU at least for the next twenty-four hours to monitor him closely."

"I need to be with him. I need to be there if he wakes up." Sam pleaded.

"We don't usually let people stay in ICU."

"You have to understand, he can't wake up alone. I left him once; I'm not leaving him again. Please doctor." Sam begged giving his best puppy dog pity stare he could muster.

The doctor feeling pity on the young man agreed to let him stay with his brother as long as he didn't get in the way of the nurses. Bobby said he would visit a few minutes and be in the waiting area. The doctor led them to the ICU waiting area and instructed the nurses to let them see Dean when he was settled and the young brother could stay with his brother.

spn

An hour later a young nurse came out and showed them to a room in the middle of the wing. Sam walked slowly into the room as he took in his brother's battered body. He grabbed the wall for support when everything around him began to tilt sideway.

"Sam you ok?" Bobby asked clamping onto the young hunter's arm and guiding him to a chair by the bed.

Sam couldn't respond as he looked at his older brother lying so still in the bed. His face was drawn and pale and he seemed to be bruised over most of his body. A monitor beat steady as it measured his heart rate and blood pressure. He had an oxygen canula in his nose and an IV in one arm. On the other arm was a cast from the wrist to the elbow. Sam watched his chest slowly rise ever so slightly as he tried to breathe.

"It's my fault." he whispered as his body seemed to deflate.

"No son, I didn't tell him you were coming. I didn't think he would be such a jackass about it or I would have figured something else out. You're not to blame."

Sam pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could and took Dean's hand in his. It felt cold to the touch and adjusted the sheet and blanket over his body.

"Dean you've got to come back. I'm sorry, so sorry for what I did." Sam cried as tears trickled down his face and dripped off his chin. 

"I'm going to go get some coffee; I'll bring you some back." Bobby told Sam patting him on the shoulder. He knew the brothers needed time alone, and he wanted to give them that.

spn 

"Dee, don't know if you can hear me, most doctors say you can. You skidded on ice and went off the road; the car flipped a couple of times by the looks of it. You had to have surgery and you have a broken arm. You got banged up pretty bad, doctors are worried about your head injury, but they don't know you. I'm here and I'm not leaving." Sam said talking softy to him. "You're strong; I know you can wake up. I know I hurt you, I should have told you. I was so mad at Dad, he frustrates me so." Sam voice caught as he laid his head on the bed clutching tightly to Dean's hand. He let the tears continue to fall as he prayed that Dean would wake up.

It wasn't long before a nurse came in and checked his vitals giving Sam a sympathetic look. He watched her every move like a hawk, being sure they were doing nothing to harm his brother. 

"He's still stable which is a good sign." she assured Sam who nodded weakly to her. "If you need anything just let me know, I'm Sally, I'll be his nurse for the night. The doctor said you would be staying with him."

"Sam, thanks." he mumbled never taking his eyes off Dean.

"I'll be back in later." she relayed to him giving him a soft smile.

With the adrenaline high wearing off and stress and exhaustion creeping in, Sam began to feel the pull of sleep trying to drag him under. He jerked his head back up as it drifted toward his chest. He watched his brother's body twitch uncontrollably in his catatonic state. Sam rubbed a hand gently over his cheek letting him know someone was with him. Dean quieted down and turned into the touch seeming to be looking for comfort. 

Sleep finally won the battle and Sam slumped his head on the bed beside his brother's shoulder keeping a tight grip on his hand. Bobby walked around the curtain and saw Sam asleep partly on the bed and partly in the chair. He was going to have one stiff back, but Bobby didn't have the heart to wake him. He knew the kid was exhausted and needed rest. Bobby went back to the waiting area, making himself as comfortable as he could to try and nap.

spn

The blackness enveloped him as he tried to push it away. Dean was panting and couldn't remember how he had gotten locked in this place with no way out. Something had happened, but what. Everything was off balance and pain seemed to pull on him from every side. Had he been taken by some monster and was now being tortured? Why could he not find a door or window, somewhere to run and escape this hell hole? 

He was pulled deeper into the ever present mist as his brain shut down. He was floating in a sea of hurt and pain. His body was not responding to his urge to run, nothing was working, all he could do was lay there and hope someone would find him. But there was no one left to look, he was alone and he would die alone. He was consumed with hopelessness and despair. Memories flashed across his subconscious, two men, one young and the other older, fighting, almost coming to blows. Why couldn't he remember? He jerked and trembled as the memories haunted him that didn't make sense. It was just out of his reach, the more he tried to recall, the worse the pain became. He had to stop, let it go, back away so the insistent stabbing would ease. Dean tried to control his breathing like he was taught as he sunk into the dark abyss.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Sam jerked awake when he heard movement in the room automatically reaching for a gun that wasn't there. He looked up and saw Sally checking his brother's vitals. He straightened up and groaned as his shoulders and neck popped from the position he was laying in. 

"Are you ok Sam?" Sally asked quietly as she saw him grimace in pain.

"Yeah, just stiff." he replied standing up to stretch his spine. "Any change?"

"No, he's still the same. There are some involuntary reflexes, but he's still unconscious."

"Thanks."

"You don't have to stay here, I can call you if he wakes up or there are any changes."

"I do, I have to be here when he wakes up. I left him one time, I won't leave him again." he said firmly.

"At least let me get you a pillow and blanket." she offered.

"That would be nice. The older man I was with, has he come back?"

"He did and you were asleep. He said to tell you he would be in the waiting area if you needed him."

"Ok. I'm going to go tell him to go home, no use him staying too." Sam said more to himself than to Sally.

Sam made his way to the waiting area to find Bobby slumped over in an oversized chair asleep.

"Bobby, hey why don't you go on home?" Sam called shaking his shoulder carefully.

"Sam, Dean ok?" he grumbled sitting up in the chair.

"Yeah, if the roads are travelable, go home, you can come back later. I'll be ok." 

"I'll check them out and if they look ok, I'll head out and be back later. I'll bring you some clean clothes and something to eat. If they're not, there's a motel a few blocks away I'll see 'bout getting a room." 

"Just be careful, don't need you laid up here beside Dean."

"Not to worry, my tow truck can go in about anything."

"When you get home text me that you made it ok?"

"I will son, call me if there are any changes."

"Bye Bobby." Sam said as Bobby left and he headed back to Dean's room. 

spn

Sally was good on her word; there was a pillow and blanket in his chair waiting on him. He flipped the foot rest up and settled back in the chair being sure he could reach Dean's hand to hold it. With one last look at his brother's pale face, Sam let sleep wash over him and drag him under.

Sally was making her rounds again as she slipped through the curtain to check on her charge. She walked to the side of the bed and was startled when Sam jumped to his feet taking a defensive posture. She stepped back, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Sorry." Sam sighed realizing Sally was only checking Dean's vitals. 

"Are you alright?" she asked the young man.

"Yeah, just a light sleeper." Sam said rubbing his eyes and sitting back down. 

"I'll only be a minute." she said finishing her check on Dean. She checked his incision and head injury before filling out the information on his chart. "Do you need anything?"

"No, thanks." 

"I'll be back to check him in a few hours." 

spn

The monster has him trapped in a deep, dark, cavern that he couldn't find a way out. Dean gasped for air as everything seemed to close in around him. He struggled through air so thick it felt like wet cotton. He tried to call for help, but his mouth filled with the moisture and gagged him. Somewhere he could hear what sounded like a voice calling him, but it was so far away he couldn't understand any of the words. 

"Dean what's wrong?" Sam franticly asked his brother as he grabbed his hands to keep him from tearing out his IV.

Sam watched his brother's body tense and jerk as soft moans escaped his lips. The machines began to beep as he watched Dean's heart rate and blood pressure rise. Even in an unconscious state, his brother was strong. Dean had all the indications of having a nightmare. 

"Come on man, you need to calm down. I'm here." Sam urged.

Sally hurried into the room looking at the monitors and surveying Dean's agitated state.

"I'm going to get him a sedative; we don't want him to tear out his stitches."

"Wait, let me try something." Sam said before she could leave.

Being wary of Dean's arms, Sam gripped the pad he was lying on and pulled him over closer to the railing on one side of the bed. He moved to the other side and let the railing down so he could lie down beside his brother. He positioned himself until his lips were only inches from Dean's ear and began to talk softly to him. Sam whispered words of encouragement and assured him he wasn't alone. 

"Dean I'm here, it's ok, you're not alone anymore. Can you hear me? I think you came to Stanford to check on me, but why didn't you want to see me? Hey, you need to calm down, remember you use to sing to me when I was little, it's what Mom use to sing to you." 

Sam began to hum Hey Jude in his ear hoping this would calm him down enough to not need a sedative. Little by little, Dean began to relax into Sam automatically gripping his arm with the unbroken hand. Sam stroked his cheek as he felt him calm and his breathing became slower and more even. 

Sally watched the exchange seeing Dean was calming down. She shouldn't let Sam be in bed with Dean, but it was working, he got his brother to relax without the need for the sedative. Sally picked up the blanket and pillow Sam was using and let Sam adjust the pillow while she threw the blanket over him.

"I'll wake you before day shift takes over; they won't much like you being in bed with him."

"Thanks." Sam half smiles relieved now that Dean was breathing easier and his heart rate was slowing. 

He knew Dean was in there somewhere and he was determined to find him. Sam kept up the talk and humming until he closed him eyes and couldn't force them back open. With that, he was drifting among the clouds, letting sleep wash over him. He snuggled down close to his brother enjoying the familiar touch and sense of safety he felt.

spn

From somewhere in the darkness, Dean could hear a far away voice mumbling words he couldn't make out. He tried to make his way toward that voice, but couldn't make his body move toward the voice. Dean strained as he tried to lift his leaden arm to pull himself up, but couldn't do it. He quieted when distant humming caught his attention. He knew that song, but from where? The memory was there, but he couldn't bring it to the surface. No matter, the humming had a calming effect on Dean and he settled back down.

Even being unconscious, Dean could sense a warm present beside him. It was a familiar present to him, one that felt right to be there. Knowing there was no danger, he relaxed into the present accepting the warmth offered from it.

Sam stirred enough to feel Dean pushing into him. He tightened his embrace around his brother trying to give him assurance and comfort. He settled back down against Dean drifting into slumber.

spn

Sally peeked in an hour later to see the brothers were both asleep. The younger, Sam was curled protective around his big brother daring anyone to try and hurt him. She had never seen such devotion between siblings before as these two had. She was going to hate having to wake Sam in another hour to get him out of the bed before day shift came on.

The weather was cold and windy as Bobby pulled back into the parking lot of the hospital. The roads had been scraped and sanded, but more snow was expected. Bobby had brought two bags with him, one for Sam and one for himself. He decided it would be better to stay at the motel instead of trying to get back and forth if this weather didn't let up. He went ahead and got a room for a few days not knowing how long Dean was going to be in the hospital. Maybe he could at least get Sam to come back to the motel and lay down for a while. He stopped and picked up breakfast for the younger Winchester before going on to the hospital.

spn

ICU visiting was just starting when Bobby stepped off the elevator. He made his way to Dean's room to find Sam sitting as close to the bed as he could sipping a cup of coffee. Sam looked up when he stepped into the room.

"Bobby, how's the roads?"

"Cold and slick." he answered handing Sam a breakfast sandwich and a couple of books. "How's yer brother?"

"Not woke up yet, but I think he knows I'm here." he said looking down the books and the sandwich. "Thanks."

"Doctor been around?"

"Not yet." Sam replied opening the food and taking a small bite. He wasn't hungry, but knew Bobby expected him to eat. He chewed the piece of food and it seemed to expand in his mouth. The more it chewed, the bigger the bite got. He finally swallowed hard and got it down his throat without choking. Looking around, Sam found his bottle of water and took a quick swallow to wet his mouth and throat. Looking at the sandwich, he contemplated whether to take another bite.

"I got a room at the motel down the street, why don't yer go get a shower and some sleep after the doctor comes around. I left your bag in the room. I'll stay here in case he wakes up and yes I'll call if anything happens."

"I don't know, maybe, I did get a little sleep last night, but not much." he said rolling his shoulders and head.

"Sam, I didn't want to mention it last night, but don't you think you should call your Dad?" Bobby asked cautiously.

"No, I-I can't...It's...What..." Sam stuttered trying to untie his tongue.

"He has a right to know, why don't you let me do it?" Bobby suggested seeing Sam's uneasiness.

"Thanks." he said letting out the breathe he was holding. He didn't want to see his father, but Bobby was right, Dean was his son.

"Eat something, I'll make the call in a bit." he said seeing how uncomfortable Sam was talking about his father. Damn John Winchester and his hard headed ways.

"Good morning and how's the patient today?" the doctor asked as he picked up Dean's chart to skim it.

"Still not awake." Sam noted. "Should we be concerned?"

The doctor checked Dean's vitals and his injuries. He pulled the sheet off his feet and rang an instrument over the bottom of each foot. He didn't get any reflexive response and covered the feet back up. He frowned, but didn't say anything until he was done with the exam.

"Everything is healing nicely, but there are still no reflexes in his legs. Don't get alarmed, it may take several days for the swelling in his spine to go down. The head trauma has not gotten worse, no swelling on the brain, but we're still watching for bleeding."

"How much longer will he be in ICU?"

"If he stays stable, we'll step him down to semi-ICU, he'll still be monitored but in a room just off of ICU. I'll look at maybe late tomorrow or the next day, unless he comes to before then." he explained writing in his chart. "Have a good day gentleman. Let the nurses know if you need anything."

"Thank you doctor." Sam said shaking his hand.

spn

"Ok son, here's the key, go get a hot shower and nap." Bobby urged handing Sam the motel key. "Room 14."

"I don't know Bobby, what if he wakes up while I'm gone?"

"He won't be alone; I promise I'll stay with him. Now get!" 

Sam sighed and rubbed a hand down his face knowing not to argue with that tone of voice. "I'll go get a shower at least, just be sure to call me."

"You know I will son." Bobby ensured him in a fatherly voice. 

Sam laid the books aside and struggled into Dean's heavy jacket.

"Want to take the truck?"

"Naw, the walk will do me good." he declined heading out the door. "Help clear my head."

When Bobby was sure Sam had gone, he pulled his cell out and speed dialed a number. He waited listening to the voice mail before growling into the phone. "John, you stupid sonovabitch, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, but you need to get yer head out of your ass and get to Sioux Falls Hospital. Dean’s been in a car accident, he's alive, but there's complications. Oh and if you care to know, Sam is here too." he slammed the phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket fighting the urge to hit something.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The pain was back again as he slowly began to push at the heavy fog covering his brain. Why was he hurting so? If he could only find a door, a window, a crack so he could figure a way out of here. Why hadn't whoever had taken him showed themselves? Dean pulled with all his might to try and get himself into an upright position but couldn't. For some reason he couldn't figure out, he couldn't get his legs to hold him. Falling back down on the cold, hard floor, Dean panted breathlessly leaning his head back onto the floor.

He searched for that present he felt before, but couldn’t locate it. This brought sadness to him, but he couldn't understand why. There was something familiar about it that he couldn't bring up out of the corners of his mind. It was just out of his reach and he was too tired to keep continuing to probing him mind.

spn

Bobby watched intently as Dean huffed and stiffened his body. He got up and went to stand by the young hunter's bed checking for any signs of him waking up. He watched Dean roll his head, but showed no signs of opening his eyes. It was like he was caught in a dream and couldn't wake up.

"Son, it's alright, you're in the hospital." he spoke quietly to him as he laid a hand on his arm. He watched the monitor show an increase in heart rate as Dean seemed to be silently struggling inside himself. "Dean can you hear me?" 

Dean's only answer was a painful moan as his body shuttered uncontrollably. Bobby continued to rub his arm hoping to calm the agitated boy. 

The day nurse came in to check vitals and his overall condition. "Hey handsome, what's the problem?" she asked running her hand through his damp hair. "You are going to wake up soon, so I can see those sexy eyes of yours?" 

Dean calmed slightly, but didn't open his eyes to her request. His breathing still came in short gasps as she continued to speak quietly to him until he seemed relax.

"That's my boy, calm down now and rest." she smiled watching his vital go down. "I'll check on him later."

"Thanks." Bobby said taking a seat by the bed.

spn

Sam hunched his shoulders in his brother's jacket as he dug his hands deeper into the pockets for warmth. The ice seemed to be letting up, but the snow was continuing to come down. He wished he had a hat to protect his head from the wetness the snow was leaving on his head. Looking up ahead, he saw a little discount store and beyond that the motel. 

He ducked into the discount store and looked around for men's clothing. 

"Can I help you?" an elderly man asked him.

"I'm looking for gloves and hats." Sam replied shaking slightly as cold, melted snow ran down his back.

"Over to the left, part way down." he instructed the damp hunter.

"Thank you." Sam nodded following the directions to the back part of the store. He found gloves and several different styles of hats. He looked through the gloves until he found a suitable pair that fit. Next, he looked at the hats, picking a cheap, navy watch cap. He made his way back to the cash register with his purchases. The same gentleman made his way to the register to check him out.

"Did you find everything you needed?"

"Yes thank you, would think you'd be closed today." Sam commented.

"Well, see as I live above the store, makes it hard to take a snow day." he chuckled as he rang up the items.  
"What has you out on the dreadful day?"

"My brother's in the hospital." he said sadly.

"So sorry to hear that, hope he's going to be ok. That will be seven dollars and fifty-three cents."

Sam pulled a rumpled ten out of his pocket and paid for his purchases. He accepted the change and stuffed it back into his pocket.

"Be safe out there young man." 

"Thanks, and I will." Sam half smiled as he slipped the tags off the gloves and hat and putting them on. Feeling somewhat warmer, he headed back out and down the street to the motel. 

spn

The room was on the bottom floor in the far back corner. Sam unlocked the door and pushed it open, checking out the room before entering. His hunter instincts surfacing as he looked for any danger. He saw Bobby had salt lines down and a devil's trap in front of the door. He stepped in and saw his bag sitting on one of two beds in the room.

Sam began to shuck his wet jacket and hat before turning up the heat. He laid them out to dry as much as possible before he headed back to the hospital. Sitting down heavily on the bed, he let the last twenty-four hours play back in his mind. He pictured his brother's face when Dean first saw him in the kitchen. He knows there was a slight moment when he saw a brief look of happiness that all too quickly vanished to one of anger and rage. Dean had a quick temper and he had seen it more than once growing up. If he had only acted quicker, maybe he could have stopped Dean and he wouldn't have wrecked.

Knowing he couldn't change anything from the past, Sam unlaced his boots and kicked them off before heading for the bathroom. He turned on the water and began to strip off his clothes. He adjusted the temperature and stepped in to the stinging hot spray. Sam braced him hands on the wall as the water beat on his exposed shoulders. Tension began to wash off him and swirl down the drain. Sam stood there for a few more minutes before sighing and grabbing some shampoo to wash his hair. He soaped himself quickly wanting to get back to the hospital and his brother.

Shutting off the water and toweling the moisture off his body, Sam hears his cell ringing. He wrapped the damp towel around his waist and hurried into the room to dig his cell out of Dean's coat.

"Hello." he answered quickly.

"Sam, Dean's trying to wake up, but he's very agitated, they're going to sedate him, you might want to hurry." Bobby explained.

"I'm on my way." Sam answered throwing his phone down and pulling clean briefs, socks, jeans and shirts from his bag. He was dressed in minutes, pulling his boots on and lacing them quickly. Sam toweled his wet hair quickly before using his fingers to comb it. He struggled into the damp jacket, pulled the hat over his damp hair and slipped on the gloves. He was ready and out of the room in less than ten minutes.

With urgency in his steps, Sam jogged back toward the hospital being wary of slick spots on the sidewalk. He saw the hospital up ahead and slowed down where the drifts of snow were deeper. Sam ran for the elevator and slipped on before the door closed. He pushed the fourth floor and waited impatiently for the elevator to arrive at his floor.

Rushing off the elevator and heading for ICU in a fast walk, Sam made his way to Dean's room. He could hear commotions from inside as he stepped around the curtain. He found Bobby holding Dean's unbroken arm trying to calm his brother down. A nurse was trying to tie Dean's other arm down as Dean struggled in their grasp.

"No, don't, I can calm him." Sam said throwing off his jacket, gloves and hat. He took the nurse's place, leaning down and whispering urgently into his ear. He didn't want to see his brother tied down if he could help it.

Bobby could feel the tension in Dean's body ease slightly as Sam continued to talk to him. 

"Dee, stop, you have to calm down man. You're going to hurt yourself more." Sam continued to talk softly to him. "I'm here, it's ok, you're safe, don't fight. It's Sam, remember, I was at Bobby's. He's here too; we won't let anything happen to you."

spn

Dean had finally clawed his way up toward a flicker of light as piercing pain tried to keep him down. He could hear crushing metal and intense cold as flashes of the crash tumbled over and over in his head. He thrashed out trying to stop his body from being tossed like a rag doll in the front of the car. He had to break free from what was holding him down and in the darkness. 

There it was again, it was back, that presence, one he should know but couldn't pin point who it was. There were mummers so far away, if only he could understand what it was saying. Dean slowly stopped fighting and concentrated on that far away voice; he knew it was saying something he needed to know. 

"That's it big brother, relax, you can do it. I know you can come back to me, I know you're in pain, but it will get better. They'll give you something to help with that, just listen to my voice, you're not alone, I'm here, I'm here, you're safe." Sam continued as he watched Dean turn his head to him even thought he didn't open his eyes. He knew his brother was in there trying to come back and he was going whatever it took to bring him back.

The nurse returned with a syringe of pain meds and injected in in the IV line. 

"This should help with the pain." she told Sam giving him a warm smile.

Bobby watched Sam brush his still damp hair out of his face as he straightened popping his back, but still keeping a hand on Dean's shoulder squeezing it gently. He saw the dark circles and worry lines on his face as he stepped back to let Sam take care of his brother. 

"Sit down Sam, before you fall down." Bobby told Sam pulling the chair close to the bed. He reached down and picked up the discarded clothes hanging them on the other chair. 

"Thanks Bobby." Sam told him moving around the bed to the other side. 

As soon as Sam removed his hand, Dean began to move jerkily in the bed seeking out that touch. Sam moved the bed down and let the railing down so he could access Dean better. 

"I'm right here, don't worry, I won't leave you." Sam mumbled carding a hand through Dean's sweaty hair. Dean immediately calmed with his touch and Sam watched his eyes move erratically under his lids. Sam wondered what Dean was remembering, if it was a hunt or monster or he prayed it wasn't when he went to Stanford.

"I'm going out in the waiting room; I'll be back in a few hours to relieve you." Bobby told him seeing that visiting time was up. 

"Bobby, you don't have to stay here, we'll be ok."

"Son, I'm not leaving ya alone, you just take care of your brother." he huffed.

"Thanks Bobby." Sam said happy the elder hunter wanted to stay with him and give him support. He watched him leave and turned back to his brother.

spn

Noises were beginning to make its way into his thoughts. He could hear a steady beeping off to the side. It was a noise he should know, he had heard it before. If he listened closely he could catch a word here and there from the presence; safe, relax, not alone. If he could just make that connection, maybe it would draw him out, show him the way to freedom. 

"It's snowing still, has been since yesterday." Sam started talking again to his brother. "Doctor said they would step you down maybe today or tomorrow if you are still doing ok. Oh man, I should have called you after I left, I was an ass and I'm sorry man. I thought maybe you felt like Dad, I didn't know you left too. Why didn't you call me?" 

Sam brushed away the tear that tracked its way down his cheek and wished Dean were awake so he could tell him how he sorry he was. He should of reached out, he missed his brother so much, it was like a piece of him was missing in his soul.

"I know what you were doing. I figured it out when I had to look in your wallet for you id. I saw you last time you were on campus, but I just thought I was imaging it, but it was you. You dropped that extra money off for me, I found Mrs. Taylor's name in your wallet. No matter how mad you were, you were still looking out for me, always the big brother. I missed you so much." 

Another tear escaped from his watery eyes as he bowed his head and let the hot wetness drip down and fall off his cheeks. A small sob forced its way from his lips as he held his brother's hand praying he would wake up. He wanted to tell him he in person how sorry he was. He didn't know how much he had lost until he saw Dean broken and bleeding in the wrecked car. He came very close to losing his big brother in that moment and it scared the hell out of him.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was nearly lunch when Bobby returned for visiting time. He found Sam still talking quietly to his brother. Sam looked up at Bobby as he stepped toward the bed.

"Any change?" 

"No, he's stayed quiet, but he hasn't woke up." Sam commented sitting back in the chair. 

"Go on with ya, the cafeteria is on the first floor, you need to eat." Bobby insisted. "He'll be fine until you get back."

"Maybe some coffee." Sam decided standing up and stretching out his lanky frame with a groan. He watched Dean move slightly when he stopped touching him, now not sure if he wanted to leave him.

"Go on, I got this." Bobby said sitting in his seat and taking Dean’s hand. "Hey son, Sam's still here; he's going to get something to eat. Now you behave here, I'll be here with ya. Don't make me yang a knot on that hard head of yers."

Sam waited a moment to be sure Dean stayed calm before leaving and heading for the elevator. He waited for the doors to open and stepped on pressing the first floor button. He let a long breathe out as the elevator made its way down to the first floor. He watched the numbers count down and heard the familiar ding as the elevator doors opened on the first floor. Sam raised his head and started exist when he saw a familiar face staring at him.

"Dad." he croaked out as his face paled and all the oxygen left his body causing him to grab the side of the elevator wall.

"Sammy." John gruffed harder than he meant to and saw his youngest son staring frighteningly at him. John sensed Sam's distress and the exhaustion that showed on his face. "Son, where's your brother?" he asked in a softer voice.

"For...Fourth floor, ICU." he managed to stammer out stepping back on the elevator so his Dad could get on.

John Winchester stepped onto the elevator with his son and pushed the button for the fourth floor. John wanted to pull his son into a hug, but knew Sam probably wouldn't allow it. He saw how he cringed away from him when he got too close. John stepped back and let Sam exist first and followed him down the hall to ICU.

Bobby looked up as Sam came back into the room too soon for him to have gotten anything to eat. He stood up and stiffened as another figure followed Sam into the room.

"Bobby." John said quietly as he looked down at his oldest son. He made his way to the side of the bed and looked him over before looking back up at the two. "How is he?"

"He's not regained consciousness and he's got swelling around his spine, doc says there's no response with his legs, but that may not be permanent." Bobby relayed to him.

"Awe son." he whispered brushing a hand through Dean's hair. He noticed even unconscious Dean tried to turn away from his touch as a grumble escaped his lips.

Sam was to Dean's side before he could say anything and whispered comforting words to his brother who calmed instantly to his touch and voice. John's eyes saddened as he watches his two boys. He looked at Bobby who was eyeing him sternly, daring him to upset the boys any more than they already were. 

"What happened?"

"Car accident, icy roads, the car rolled." Bobby informed him, watchful of his actions.

"The Impala?"

"No, one of my old cars." Bobby scoffed, wondering if John was that cold, he thought more of the car than his son.

"Figured Dean would be upset if he wrecked the car." John huffed at him, knowing what the older hunter was thinking. He knew what Bobby thought of him, he had expressed his opinions several times in the past. One time with a shot gun in hand and a threat of filling him with buck shot.

spn

It was there again, that presence, but there was something else this time. He could feel others, if he could only make this damn thing let him go, Dean thought madly. He was feeling a bit stronger; maybe just maybe if he pushed hard enough he would be able to get to the light this time. Why couldn't he remember what happened to him? He didn't even know what day it was, if it was even day or even where he was.

Where was that voice, if he could just latch on to it, he knew he could follow it to freedom. Dean struggled, he fought, and he clawed his way to that voice, that presence. With all his will power he struggled to force his eye lids to open. He squinted against a bright, harsh light and groaned.

"Dean, hey man, can you open your eyes?" Sam begged seeing movement in his brother. He leaned over his body shielding him from the light for a moment. "Bobby turn the overhead light off, I think it's too bright for him." 

"Right." Bobby obeyed going to the switch and turning them off. He turned back to the bed to see a flutter of eye lids.

"Is that better, Dee? I know you're there big brother, come on, you can do it." Sam continued to encourage.

"Dean, son, listen to your brother, wake up." John said with tenderness he hadn't used in a long time with his son.

Sam looked over at his father's face as he saw the concern and worry. Sam looked back down at his brother as his eyes blinked a couple of times before finally staying open to stare up into his face. 

"Hey big brother, glad to see you awake." Sam smiled as he continued to rub Dean's arm and blink back the tears brimming his eyes. 

Dean blinked again trying to bring the world into focus staring at the three men in the room.

"Bobby get the nurse." Sam instructed never taking his eyes off of Dean. He saw a look of puzzlement cross Dean's face as he stared intently at him like he wasn't sure who he was.

Dean looked closer at the young man standing over him, talking to him. He looked at the hazel eyes and too long hair, at the dimples he had when he smiled, was he suppose to know this person? He wanted to say something, but his brain couldn't form the words to make himself speak. He tried to wet his cracked lips, but his mouth was so dry it hurt to swallow.

"Here, let me get you some water." the young man told him as he grabbed a cup with a straw in it.

The sup was held up to his mouth so he could use the straw, but it was more than he could grasp. Sam saw Dean seemed to have a hard time drawing the liquid into the straw. He took the straw out and used his finger to cover the opening, trapping a small amount of water and transferred it to Dean’s mouth. Dean let the water wet his parched throat as he waited for another straw full. Sam did this several times as Dean shut his eyes taking in several breathes.

"Well so you decided to wake up?" a nurse asked as she came into the room to check Dean out. "Do you know where you are sweetie?"

Dean shook his head slightly no, not sure he could speak yet. He let his eye wander around the room deciding it had to be a hospital. What had happened that he would be here, he wondered.

"I'll page the doctor and let him know he's awake."

"Could I get some ice chips?" Sam asked, knowing from experience they would help.

"Sure, I'll be right back."

"I'll go with you." Bobby said following her out to get the ice.

"Dee, you remember what happened?" Sam asked him slowly watching his brother's every move.

Dean once again shook his head no and focused all his energy on Sam's voice. He knew that was the voice he had heard earlier, so this must be the presence he had sensed with him. He seemed to know him and kept calling him by name, it looked like he was suppose to know this person, but for the life of him he couldn't pull it out of his head. The more he tried, the more that pounding ache grew.

spn 

Bobby returned with a cup of crushed ice and a plastic spoon. He handed the items off to Sam who scooped up the ice and offered it to his brother. Dean opened his mouth and accepted the cold, wet, substance with a sigh. He swallowed with some effort as his throat relished the cold wetness. How something so simple as ice could taste so good was beyond him. He waited patiently for another spoon feeling relief from the dryness in his throat. Well, at least the kid knew how to take care of him.

"I don't want to give you too much, let’s see how you do with that." Sam told him sitting the cup down on the table beside him.

"Dean what the hell were you doing out on icy roads in the first place." John chastised his son frowning at him.

"Dad!" Sam gasped shocked that he would start in on Dean when he had just woke up.

"John now is not the time." the older hunter warned as he saw a look of puzzlement cross Dean's face. "I have no problem escorting you out, it's your choice walking or dragging."

John straightened and looked at Bobby seeing the look of go ahead try me pasted on his face. He backed away slightly, but didn't continue his questions. 

"Do you want raised up some?" Sam asked seeing Dean trying to move around in the bed. "You need to be careful; the doctor said your back was injured too." 

Sam mashed on the control for the bed, raising the head up some and then the bottom slightly. He watched as Dean eyed the cast on his arm for the first time and looked up at him. 

"Yeah, ya broke it, not bad, but you needed a cast."

As Dean tried to raise his head an intense pain shot through his skull and down his neck. Sam saw the grimace and the sweat that popped out on his forehead. He hit the call button for the nurse knowing Dean needed something for pain.

"Can I help you?"

"Can my brother get something for pain please?" he asked.

"I'll be in with something in a moment."

"Who..." Dean started wincing as he tried to get the words out.

"Yes Dee, what is it?" Sam asked bending closer to his brother to hear him better.

"Who...Are...You?" he croaked out looking up into Sam's face.

Sam blanched as the words sunk in and he realized what Dean was asking. He wet his lips and looked at him with hurt and worry and disbelief.

"I'm Sam, your brother." he whispered guiltily seeing no recognition in his brother's eyes. Sam felt the room spin as it dawned on him, head injury, concussion, lose of memory, crap, Dean might have amnesia. His heart sunk as tears pricked his eyes, seeing his brother staring at him with no idea who he was. He sat down in the chair and heaved a heavy sigh. He thought he could get his brother back, even if he hated him, but now he just wanted his brother to say his name.

"Dean, it's Dad, do you know me?" John asked him laying a hand on his.

Dean focused on the man and looked at him, frowning slightly. "No." he got out in a whisper.

"Mr. Whitmire, good to see you awake." Dr. Russell greeted him as he stepped to the bed. "How you feeling?"

"Hurt." he grimaced knowing this was a doctor.

"The nurse will be bringing you some pain meds shortly." 

"Doctor, he doesn't know me." Sam informed him still shocked from this discovery.

"Do you know any of these men, sir?" the doctor asked waiting for a response.

Dean took his time and looked at each face in the room before turning back to the doctor.

"No." he replied, seeing disappointment on all their faces, more so on the younger ones.

"It's not unusual with head traumas that there might be temporary amnesia, we'll need to give it a few days and see if his memory starts coming back. Now Mr. Whitmire, I want you to move your toes for me." he instructed after lifting the sheet back.

Dean looked down at his foot and concentrated on what the doctor wanted. It took effort, but he was able to wiggles several toes on each foot.

"Very good, it looks like the swelling is going down. Ok, I'll check back in the morning and see how he's doing. I'll order a liquid diet for the next couple of days and we'll get him moved to private room on the floor below this afternoon. You take care sir." he said patting Dean's leg and leaving.

"Doctor can I have a word?" John asked as he walked out with the doctor. 

spn

Sam frowned wondering what he wanted to talk to him about. He looked back up as the nurse came in with pain meds for Dean.

"Here you go, these should help." she said holding the small cup with two pain pills to Dean's mouth. He accepted the medicine and allowed Sam to hold the cup of water to his lips to drink from. It took several attempts before he finally got the pills swallowed. "If you need anything else, call me."

"Thanks." Sam said placing the cup back on the table and sitting back down. He watched his brother watching him. Sam's shoulders slumped as guilt and blame washed over him. It was his fault this had happened. What if Dean never remembered him, he thought.

"Stop it Sam, I know what yer doing and it wasn't your fault, so don't going blaming yourself. If it was anyone's, it was mine. I should of told him you were coming." Bobby said softly laying a hand on the young one's shoulder and squeezing.

"No it wasn't." he whispered hanging his head. 

Dean moaned again as he struggled to find a comfortable position to lay. It seemed like his entire body was sore and bruised in some way. His legs didn't want to cooperate and felt like lead weights laying there.

"Dean, what can I do?" Sam asked seeing the frustration on his face.

"Shift, side." he got out as he tried to make his body obey him.

"Wait, let me help." Sam said lowering the bed. "Bobby if you'll get the lower end of the pad we'll roll him carefully to his side."

Sam grabbed the top end and with Bobby's help they got him to his side. Sam took a pillow and put it between his legs and adjusted them in a more comfortable position and put one behind his back to help hold him in place.

"How's that?" he asked him.

"Better." he answered closing his eyes and letting the pain meds ease his pain and lull him to sleep. It was too much, his mind was overloading and stabbing pain was echoing in his head. He just wanted to sleep and hope all this was just some dream he would wake up from. 

Sam listened to his brother's breathing as it became more even and slower. He knew he was going to sleep, he just hoped his memory loss was only short term and he would know him when he woke up. Ribbons of regret wound their way around his mind as he cursed himself for not calling his brother and making amends. They looped in and out getting tighter as he struggled to breath.

"Sam, go get something to eat." Bobby said seeing his distress. "I'll stay here with him."

John walked back into the room and looked at Dean and over to his youngest son. He could see hurt and angst on his face.

"Sam, have you ate yet?" he asked him.

"I was telling him to go get something." Bobby replied.

"Come on, you need to eat." John said going to his side and guiding him up from the chair. "Bobby can stay here with Dean."

Sam allowed his father to lead him out of the room and to the elevators. It was like everything was moving in slow motion. He could here people talking, but it was like he was in a tunnel, he could feel the onset of a headache trying to push its way into his head. He rubbed his temples absently trying to will it to subside.

"I've got aspirin, if you need a couple." John told him when he saw him rubbing his face.

Sam shook his head as the elevator stopped on the first floor and they got off. John looked at the signs and followed them to the cafeteria making sure Sam was following behind him. It had been six months since he had seen his son and the change in him was surprising. He had grown in height and he had gained weight. He could tell Sam had been taking care of himself at least. He cursed himself for being so unforgiving to his son. He not only lost his youngest that day when Sam left for college, but he also lost his eldest one as well. They couldn't understand how important it was to find the demon that killed his wife, their mother and end the s.o.b. once and for all, for all their sakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading my story, thank you for the kudos. NC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

John stood in line taking a tray and putting one down in front of his son. Sam looked down at the tray like it was some sort of foreign object and blinked several times not moving to touch it.

"Sam!" John grunted trying to get his attention.

Sam flinched at the sound of his name looking to his father.

John chastised himself for sounding too rough to his youngest.

"Son you need to eat something, it's not going to do Dean any good if you make yourself sick." he told him in a hushed tone gently pulling him on down the line since it was backing up because of them.

Sam automatically picked up several things from the shelves and placed them on his tray. He stayed on autopilot, following his Dad to the cashier and waited for him to pay. John led them back to a corner table away from everyone else. They sat down and John removed his food from the tray watching his son carefully.

"Sammy, eat something." he urged.

Sam looked down at the food he had on his tray. He had picked up a tossed salad, fresh fruit, crackers and the last thing made him stiffen and suck in shaky lungs of air. His whole body started to shake as he started at it unable to take his eyes off of it.

John looked up seeing that all the color had drained out of San's face and he was starting in horror at something on his tray. Unsure what was causing his son's distress he followed his gaze to a piece of apple pie that sat in the corner of the tray. John frowned and moved to cover the pie with a napkin before removing it from the tray.

He broke from his trance and quickly turned away before his father saw the tears that had escaped his eyes. Sam brushed his eyes with the back of his hand jerking away from his father's touch on his arm. He knew better than to let his emotions show in front of his Dad. He had been taught at an early age it was a sign of weakness to let your emotions show.

John watched his son's body deflate on itself as Sam hugged himself tight with his arms. He observed him swallowing hard and biting his lower lip as he made himself as small as possible. It broke John's heart to see his son so distraught. He felt helpless not knowing how to reach out to him and give him comfort. It was not something he had done with either son when they were growing up; he had to make them tough and strong.

"Eat something Sammy." he finally got out before taking a bite of a sandwich and chewing automatically not tasting anything.

Sam picked up his fork and pushed his salad around in the bowl as his stomach churned uncontrollably. He tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. His brother was back, but had no memory of him even being his brother. This was all messed up and he didn't know how to make it right.

John picked up both their trays noticing his son barely touched his food. Sam picked up his soda and trudged along behind John with his head down. 

They made their way back to the fourth floor and down to ICU and Dean's room. Sam was in front of John as he entered the room to find an empty bed and no Dean or Bobby. He frantically searched the room seeing nothing there, not even his books. 

Sam stumbled backwards knocking into John who grabbed his son before he could fall. 

"Sam? Sammy?" John questioned his son as he watched him claw at John's arm unable to draw in a breath.

Sam felt his chest constrict and spasms close his throat as his oxygen deprived lungs tried to draw air in. His vision began to swim as his father started to fade from his sight.

"Sammy, breathe!" John cried shaking his limp body. "Help, someone."

Dean's nurse rushed into the room and saw John holding up his youngest son who was desperately trying to breathe.

"He's having a panic attack." John yelled.

"Get him on the bed." she instructed going to the other side to turn on the oxygen.

John got his son over to the bed and pushed him down onto it. He jerked his legs up on the bed and held him down. The nurse grabbed Dean's mask and placed it over Sam's nose and mouth.

"Sam, hey look at me." she commanded turning his face so she could look in his eyes. "You have to breathe, now listen to me, you need to calm down, breathe." she said pushing in on his abdomen hard.

"Listen to her." John ordered sternly.

"In and out, come on you can do this, in and out." she coached as she continued to push in and release making him pull air in his burning lungs. "That's it honey, deeper each one, pull it in." she cooed brushing hair out of his eyes. 

Sam began to relax and could feel oxygen invading his lungs again giving him much needed air. John continued to rub his hand over Sam's chest as he felt it go up and down as color began to return to his face.

"I'm going to get my equipment and check his vitals." she said now that Sam was starting to breathe. "Honey, you can let go now." she smiled patting the hand that had a death grip on her arm.

"Dee?" Sam wheezed out as loud as he could.

"Your brother?" she questioned. "He was moved downstairs to a private room, he's fine Sam." she assured him.

"You hear that son, your brother is ok." John added carding a hand through him hair. "We'll go see him in a minute. You just rest."

All Sam heard was Dean was ok; he had been moved to another room. Sam leaned back and closed his eyes as the cool oxygen blew around his nose and mouth. The nurse came back and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm and turned the machine on. She watched it as it took his vitals to be sure Sam was out of danger. 

"Ok, your vitals are getting back to normal, if you want to lay here a minute it's fine. Your brother is in room 326 on the floor below us. When you're ready, go on down and see him." she said patting his arm gently and waited until Sam nodded he understood before she left.

John watched his son's breathing ease as he sucked in the oxygen from the mask. Sam had not had a panic attack in years, as far as he knew. He knew Dean had been the only one who could help him when he was small and had an attack. He might hear about them later, but most of time he was kept in the dark.

"You ready to go see your brother?" John asked him after he saw his color was back to normal.

Sam shook his head yes and pulled the mask away from his face. John flipped the O2 off and stood by his son as he pushed himself up from the bed. They made their way back to the elevator and down one floor checking signs to find the room Dean had been moved to.

They walked down the hall and around the corner to room 326. Sam pushed open the door and found Bobby sitting in a chair and his brother resting in the bed, minus monitors and oxygen. He still had the IV and catheter, but nothing else.

As soon as Sam saw his brother, he stumbled to him and threw himself onto his prone body gripping him in a fierce hug. Dean jerked with surprise as he opened his eyes to see the young guy from before clutching him in a death grip. He felt wetness on his neck as silent tears ran down the boy's face and onto him. Not sure what to do, he took his good hand and patted the kid's shoulder trying hard to pull up some memory that kept evading him. He felt a need to comfort him even if he couldn't remember who he was.

Bobby looked over at John eyeing him carefully to see if John was going to say anything. He motioned for Bobby to step out in the hall with him.

"What happened?" Bobby asked before John could say anything.

"We went back to the ICU, everything was gone and Sam had a panic attack, thought Dean had died or something." John answered. 

"Awe hell." Bobby sighed taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair.

"How's Dean doing?"

"He's a tough kid, hasn't said much since they moved him." Bobby relayed. "I'm going to go get something to eat. Don't you do anything stupid, ya hear me?" he warned him.

John only nodded to the older hunter before going back into the room. He found his youngest had disentangled himself from his brother and was sitting in a chair that was pushed as close to the bed as possible facing toward Dean. Sam had his head laying on his brother's stomach and Dean was running his hand through Sam's long hair like he use to do when they were young and Sam was upset. 

He paused at the door, taking in the scene carefully. He couldn't see Sam's face, but he watched Dean's as he studied his brother's face carefully. He could see it on Dean's face, he still didn't recognize Sam, but he guessed the instinct was still in there somewhere to protect Sam. Dean felt eyes on him and looked up straight into his eyes. He could feel Dean sizing him up and looked down before stepping on into the room. He made his way to the other chair and sat down heavily on the other side of the bed.

"So, you're supposed to be my father?" Dean asked quietly while still comforting the guy who said he was his brother.

"Yeah, I am." he answered.

"I'm sensing some tension happening, I take it things were not all kosher?"

"Do you remember anything at all?" 

"Maybe, just images here and there." he mumbled feeling that dull ache starting to rise to the surface again. 

"When did you last have pain meds?" he asked sensing his discomfort.

"Trying to hold off makes me too out of it." he grimaced. 

"Might be a good idea to stay on top of the pain. Any more movement in your legs?"

"Can bend both feet now, it's a start." he surmised. "Is he ok?" 

Dean looked down at his now sleeping brother who was still clinging to his hand like a life line. He could still see the tear tracks on his face and wondered what had happened? Had this man, who said he was his father, done something to the kid? The thought made his anger build, but he kept it under control.

"Had a panic attack, we went upstairs and you weren't there. Guess he thought the worse." 

"Bummer." Dean remarked as he continued his ministration on his brother.

"Good afternoon." a short, dark haired nurse announced as she walked into the room.

"Sh-sh." Dean cautioned nodding to the sleeping kid.

"My name is Kim, I'll be your nurse for day shift." she asked more softly. "How are you feeling Mr. Whitmire?" She began her routine of taking vitals and checking him out. John moved out of the way to allow her easier access to Dean since Sam had the other side blocked with his sleeping form.

"Sore, headache, tired." he responded.

"You're due more pain meds in thirty minutes and dinner will be around shortly after. Doctor said a liquid diet for today and then you can start on a soft diet tomorrow. Physical therapy is going to be coming around in the morning to check you out and begin some therapy. If you need anything else, just ring me."

"Thanks Kim." Dean replied leaning his head back on the pillow to rest. He left his hand on top of Sam's head seeming to draw comfort from his presence. Dean could see drool starting to leak out of the boy's mouth onto the blanket starting to make a wet spot, but he didn't care. Why did this seem so right? Had he comforted him in the past, Dean wondered.

Bobby wandered back in checking the boys and looking at John as he watched them.

"I'm goin' to the motel I saw down the street, try to get a few hours sleep and a shower, drove ten hours straight to get here." John told Bobby getting up from his chair.

"I got a room already, in case of the weather, might as well use it." Bobby grumbled handing him a key.

"Thanks. Tell the boys I'll be back later." 

"Ok." he said taking the empty seat.

Kim was back in with the pain meds as she promised. She woke Dean long enough to take the meds and made sure he didn't need anything else. She offered Bobby some fresh coffee which he gladly accepted.

An orderly came in with a tray and sat it on the table by the bed. Bobby got up and moved his chair to roll it closer to Dean and his good arm. 

"Goin' to wake him?" he asked nodding down to a still sleeping Sam.

"Naw seems like the kid needs the rest." Dean said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." Bobby said uncovering an unappealing dinner consisting of beef broth, tea, crackers, and green Jell-O.

"Was I a good person?" he asked quietly.

Bobby looked at the boy carefully, gauging his answer.

"Yes son, you are a good person, and that kid there thinks the world of you, always has. And well, you'd do anything for him, pretty much raised him since you were a kid yerself. Just remember, when your memories do come back, that he loves you more than anything."

"He has no mother?" Dean continued to question. 

Bobby frowned at the last comment wondering if something had happened, but didn't think Dean would tell him. It didn't get past Bobby that Dean didn't include himself in that statement. He was trying to be careful about telling him too much about the past since it might confuse him.

"She passed, you were four, Sam was six months."

"Oh." he said frowning to himself.

"Why don't you try and drink something, since that's 'bout all ya got." 

"Really looks appealing, care to join me?" he smirked looking at his meal.

"I'm good, want the crackers opened?"

"Yeah, since it seems I'm down to one hand." he chuckled quietly as Sam shifted slightly in his sleep keeping Dean's injured arm pulled against his chest, holding on to it like a life preserver, cast and all.

"How 'bout a straw in...Whatever ya want to call this?" he asked putting the broth were he could reach it along with the crackers. 

"Maybe just a swallow." he replied wrinkling his nose as he sipped a small mouth full. 

The expression on his face would have been priceless under different circumstances as he forced the liquid down. Bobby hid a smirk behind his cup as he sipped his coffee while watching Dean sample the green Jell-O and tried not to gag.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

With the pain meds kicking in and a little food in his stomach, Dean let the head of the bed down so he could rest. 

Bobby was heading back to the motel for the night and didn't even bother to wake Sam, knowing full well he wasn't leaving his brother's side after his spell this afternoon. He left both boys resting quietly.

Smoke was burning his eyes and making him cough as he made his way to his baby brother's bedroom. He could see dancing shadows on the hall wall as he inched closer. Suddenly his father was in the hall and pushing something into his little arms. He was telling him to run, to get out of the house now. More smoke billowed from the door as his father went back in the room.

He looked down at the bundle in his arms and saw it was his baby brother. Dad had given him an order and he had to do what he said. Turning quickly and holding his brother tightly, he ran to the stairs and one step at a time made his way down them, being careful not to drop his brother. 

Dean jerked and mumbled in his sleep as he saw the boy carrying a baby out of a house. 

"I got ya 'ammy." he mumbled clutching at Sam's head.

"Dee?" Sam asked trying to shake the sleep from his brain. He looked up at his brother's face when he heard the words again.

"I got ya 'ammy." Dean repeated again opening his eyes and looking down into his face confused at what he just said. 

"Dee, you ok?" Sam asked rising up slowly and stretching his back. "Did you remember something?"

"Was there a fire when you were little?"

Sam stopped short and looked closely at him. "Our Mom died in a fire." Sam looked down at the cast on Dean's arm afraid to look at him. After a minute, he looked sideways at him checking his reaction to the news.

Dean was in deep thought as he massaged his temple trying to bring back the memories he had seen. He knew everything was there; it was a matter of opening them up and viewing them. He was sure that his name was Dean, but Whitmire seemed wrong. It wasn't right, that wasn't his last name. This bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Had he been a criminal or someone bad? Was that why he couldn't remember, because he didn't want to? He looked at the kid and saw his sideways glance waiting on his reaction.

"Think I can have something to drink?" he asked thinking it better to change the subject for now. That dull throb behind his eyes alerted him to ease off and not press his luck.

"Sure what would you like?" Sam asked jumping up and checking his tray. "I can get a soda from the nurse or chipped ice again."

Dean's mouth twitched watching the kid go spastic for a moment. "Water's good."

"Here you go." 

Sam made sure there was ice still in the cup and it was cold before bringing it over to his brother. He held it carefully as Dean drank several long swallows before signaling he had had enough. Sam pushed the table out of the way eyeing the food on the tray. He looked at the jell-o and wrinkled his nose.

"I'll have to tell them you don't like green jell-o, only orange and red." he remarked more to himself than to Dean. "Anything else you need?"

"Naw I'm good, want to check and see if there's anything on the tube?"

"Sure." 

Sam made himself comfortable in the too hard chair and turned on the television that was mounted on the wall where it could easily be seen from the bed. He began to flip through the channels looking for something that might interest his brother. 

"How 'bout this, you always liked these movies?" he asked stopping on an old western.

"Sure." he replied taking the kid's word for his likes and dislikes. He noticed that Sam, yeah that was his name, leaned in on the bed making sure he was touching Dean in some way. It was almost like he was afraid Dean would disappear. 

"You know you don't have to stay here, it's not like I'm going anywhere." Dean told him. "Go get you some rest."

"I'm good; the nurse is going to bring in a cot so I can sleep here." Sam replied trying to get comfortable. 

They both looked toward the door when it began to open. Dean automatically went toward his back for a weapon that wasn't there. He frowned trying to figure out why he did that. John walked into the room looking at both his sons. Sam stiffened when he saw his father and this didn't get past Dean's watchful gaze.

"How you feeling Dean?" he asked walking closer to his bed.

"A little better." Dean said still not use to be calling Dean.

"Good to hear. Sam."

"Dad." Sam acknowledged.

"The weather is letting up, so Bobby and I are going back to his place before it gets dark. Figured we'd get the Impala put back together before Dean comes home."

"Ok."

"You staying here tonight?"

"Yes."

"Call one of us if you need us." 

"I will."

"Son you take care, we'll be back later tomorrow." 

"Alright." Dean replied watching John stand there nervously before finally patting Dean's leg before leaving.

spn 

Dean saw Sam's body relax when John left. An orderly brought a dinner tray for Dean and set it on the table. Sam busied himself getting it ready for him and pushing it over where he could reach everything.   
"Wow, appealing." Sam grimaced as he uncovered something he thought was soup, crackers and green jell-o again. "Let me see if I can get another flavor of jell-o." he said rushing out to catch the orderly. 

"It's..." Dean tried to head him off, he really didn't want jell-o anyway but Sam was gone in an instant.

"So I got some vanilla pudding instead." Sam smiled with triumph putting the bowl on the tray. 

"So, what you goin' to eat kid?" 

"I'll go get me something later."

"How 'bout now, you need to eat." Dean insisted as he sipped his tea. 

"Really, I'm good." Sam assured him.

"If I'm your big brother, you should listen to me; now go get something to eat." Dean ordered him. 

"Fine, jerk." Sam fussed.

"Bitch." Dean answered back automatically.

Sam quickly looked around at Dean with surprise and hope on his face. 

"So I take it I've called you that before." Dean questioned seeing the hopeful look on Sam's face.

"Yeah among other things."

"Go on now, I expect you to eat, no faking it, got me?"

"Ok, I won't be long." he said giving Dean one final look before heading down to the cafeteria to eat. Even if he didn't remember who he was, Sam still felt the need to do what he said. 

spn

Sam returned thirty minutes later to find Dean had ate some of the soup, crackers and the pudding. He moved the table out of the way and made room for the cot that was brought in. 

"You need anything?"

"Naw, 'm good." Dean yawned. "How 'bout getting the lights?"

"Think I'll try and sleep some." Sam mumbled burying himself into the blankets. 

"Right there with you." Dean sighed turning the volume on the television down, but leaving it on. 

It wasn't long before the brothers were asleep, each beginning to sink deeper into a dream world each his own. Sam saw that dingy motel room, the one they were staying in when he announced he was leaving and going to college. He heard and felt the sting and emotional distraught his father's words had on him again. But the one thing that was burned into his retinas was the look of hurt on his brother's face just before he walked out the door.

spn

Flashes of memories rushed through Dean's mind, of a younger time, of him comforting a small boy when their Dad didn't come home, of giving the last of the cereal to the boy because he couldn't say no to him, of a shiny black car, a classic, driving it, darker images, fighting, shooting, blood, pain. He can't seem to sort them out, they're coming too fast, to jumbled, he can't control his thoughts when suddenly he loses control the car flips, he's being tossed, suddenly everything goes black, all else ceases to exist; he's floating in nothingness, cold, empty, alone. Dean tosses in the bed jerking himself awake. He looks around the room trying to figure out where he is until he remembers he's in a hospital. His eyes light on the sleeping guy beside his bed who rolls over and wiggles deeper into the covers. He leans back and lets out a deep breath, trying to wrap his mind around the memories; some were so vivid and others just fleeting thoughts. He couldn't comprehend some of the images. He could of sworn he saw a vampire and some type of ghosts or spirits. Those things weren't real, why the hell was he dreaming about them? He was pretty sure they weren't real, why would he dream of fighting them? Exhaustion over took him and he drifted back to sleep hoping the monsters were stay away this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have left kudos, I am glad you are enjoying the story.
> 
> NC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dean woke as a nurse turned on a light so she could check his vitals. She smiled down at him as he rolled over on the bed.

"How you feeling today Mr. Whitmire?" the nurse asked 

"Better."

"Good to hear that. First shift will be coming on shortly and I heard breakfast coming down the hall."

"Can't wait." he scoffed wondering what excuse for food he would get today.

"I know, sometimes it's not the greatest." she apologized.

Dean heard movement and a groan from the cot beside his bed as Sam sat up slowly. Dean took a quick look and did a double take, staring openly at him. The kid was rubbing his eyes and his hair was everywhere but where it should be. He hadn't seen bed hair this bad in, he didn't know when.

"Anyone ever tell you it wouldn't hurt to have a hair cut?" Dean smirked trying hard not to laugh.

The nurse took one look at Sam and quickly bit her lip and headed out the door before she started laughing. She agreed with his brother, the kid definitely needed a haircut.

"Bite me." he muttered trying to pat and smooth his hair down in some semblance of order.

"Go get ya somethin' to eat."

"No, I'm good." Sam said taking in a deep breathe as he sat up on the edge of the cot trying to wake his body up.

There was a knock at the door and an orderly brought two trays in and sat them on the table.

"Er-r you left two?" Dean questioned.

"One for each of you." he said heading back out.

Dean and Sam looked at each other as Sam got up and walked over to the table. He removed the covers and looked at the food.

"I think this one is yours." he said pushing it toward his brother.

"What makes you say that?"

"No bacon." he shrugged sitting at the foot of the bed so he could reach one of the trays.

"You got bacon? Crap!" he grumbled looking at his tray. There were scrambled eggs, oatmeal, toast, juice and coffee. Looking over at Sam's tray he saw scrambled eggs, bacon, oatmeal, toast, juice and coffee. "No fair, I could of had bacon too."

"You're lucky you don't have to drink your food again." Sam smiled sprinkling salt on his eggs.

"Hey give me a little of that too." Dean motioned for the packet of salt.

"Guess you want me to butter your toast too?"

"Now that ya mention it..." Dean trailed off as Sam opened more butter and buttered his brother's toast.

"I'm going to text Bobby and have him bring you some clothes." Sam said after he chewed the last bite of toast. It felt good to sit here and eat with Dean, almost like everything was alright.

"So, I was staying with him, what exactly do I do?"

"Well." Sam started not sure what to say. He was saved from answering by a nurse coming in.

"Good morning, I'm going to take your IV and catheter out since you have pt scheduled this morning." she said pulling gloves from a box. "If you would step out for a minute." 

"Sure." Sam mumbled as he blushed slightly and stepped out of the room.

spn

Fifteen minutes later the nurse stepped out and told Sam he could go back in. He was just getting settled when the physical therapy person came in.

"Good morning! I'm from physical therapy, my name is Randi, we're going to evaluate you and get you started on exercises." she bubbled happily. "First we need to get you up and in the chair. I'm going to show you how to get from the bed the chair."

Sam quickly folded the cot up and out of the way, as Randi moved the table with the empty trays to the side. She lowered the bed until it was even with the wheelchair, then raised the head of the bed up. Sam stood to the side and watched her every move. The arm of the chair next to the bed was removed and Dean pulled himself slowly to the chair. He lifted each leg down and Randi set them on the footrest. She took a blanket and draped it over his legs and positioned the arm back in place.

"Ok, let's go do some exercise." she giggled pushing him toward the door.

Sam held the door and followed them down the hall. He wasn't letting his brother out of his sight, no matter what anyone said. He sent a quick text to Bobby to bring clothes for Dean when he came up. He followed Randi onto an employee elevator and they went down to the first floor. She pushed Dean to the physical therapy department and to a table.

"Now, let’s get you slid over onto the table and start." she instructed. "If you could help on that side." she nodded to Sam.

Sam moved to the other side of Dean and followed Randi's instructions. 

"So are you going to help him with these exercises? I didn't catch your name."

"It's Sam, and yes I will."

Dean looks up at him letting those words sink in. He grunted once as they got him positioned on the table lying on his back.

"Ok, we're going to exercise the legs first, keep them in shape." she said showing Sam how to start at the foot and work up gently bending and moving the limb. She rubbed the calf and moved up to the thigh. Sam watched closely as she massaged the leg. "Alright, now you do the other one."

"What, now?" Sam asked surprised.

"Might as well start. Do what I did, massage like this." she told him taking an arm and showing him the pressure to exert. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Ok, I'm going to move your leg." Sam said taking a deep breathe and touching Dean's leg. He began to move the foot and gradually worked up to the knee.

"Kid, do I have a black, older car, a classic, four doors?" Dean asked him as he tried to relax under Sam's touch.

Sam stopped and looked up at Dean with a hurt look on his face. "Figures you'd remember your Baby." he grumbled the little fingers of jealously filtering up and spreading across his face. 

"What's wrong?" Dean asked as he saw a dark shadow cross the kid's face.

"You remember that damn car, guess it means more to you than your family." he blurted out before thinking and louder than he meant to. His mood bristled as he bent Dean's leg at the knee and straightened it out harder than needed. He knew he shouldn't be mad, but he wanted his brother to remember him, to call him by his name, to see that look of recognition on his face when he walked into the room, he wanted his brother to know and remember him.

Dean's mood darkened and he looked up at the kid and snapped. "Hey! I carried your sorry ass out of a damn burning house when you were a baby."

Sam jerked around and looked at a furious Dean glaring at him. That was his brother speaking without a doubt. 

"Your memories are coming back?" Sam inquired with a hint of hope as he continued rubbing his legs carefully.

"Bits and pieces, some of it's not making any sense." Dean said shaking his head slightly.

"How's it going over here?" Randi asked bouncing back over.

"Fine." both brothers said together, but neither looked fine.

She looked from one to the other sensing some tension between the two. 

"Lets get you set up and I'll check your back out." she continued helping him to sit up. 

Randi started at his neck and checked the vertebrate down his back. She worked on his shoulders feeling knots and muscle spasms in both. Dean moaned softly as her magic fingers worked across his shoulders digging out the knots. 

"Let me know if it's too much." she told him working on his body for ten more minutes.

"I'm fine." he replied closing his eyes as his body responded under her hands.

"Ok, one other thing and we're done." she told him tying his gown back at his neck.

With Sam's help, Dean moved back to the wheelchair. Randi moved the chair slightly and locked the wheels. She sat a walker in front of the chair and stood to the side.

"Let’s see if your legs can support you, even if only for a moment. Sam, if you'll stand on the other side to spot. Don't use the broken arm, I've got the walker, now see if you can stand up nothing more."

Dean planted his feet and gripped the walker; steeling himself he tried to put weight on his legs. Sam had an arm under his broken one helping to lift him up. Dean got his body up and knees locked as a muscle spasm jumped across his back. His legs were supporting him if only for a few seconds as he felt them give and he was falling back in the chair. Sam had an arm around his waist and guided him back down to sit in the chair.

"Very good! You did great for the first time; can you feel your legs?"

"Little tremors running up and down them, they're kind of tingling." he said rubbing one with his good hand as he sat back.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, weak, spent." he admitted as she folded the blanket back over his legs.

Sam noticed his face was a little drawn and his hands shaky as they headed for the elevator. That was a first too, Dean usually doesn't tell anyone how he really feels. He would check with the nurse about maybe some pain meds for him when they got back upstairs. Sam figured Bobby and his father would be here soon. 

"Ok, I'm going to leave the wheelchair here for you to get up and move around some. It folds up so it won't take much space. But for now, you need to be sure and have someone help you." Randi told him parking the chair by a made up bed. The nurse had been in and changed the sheets on Dean's bed. 

"So how did the pt go?" a nurse asked coming in before Dean was out of the chair. "I'm Jenny; I'll be your nurse for the day shift. How does a shower sound?"

"Sounds good." Dean said looking toward the bathroom. 

"I've put a shower chair in there for you and I'll get a bag for your arm."

"Is it ok if I help him, I've done it before." Sam inserted figuring Dean would feel more at ease with him helping.

Dean looked back at Sam taking in what he had said. He was getting an uncomfortable feeling about this. He didn't want the nurse to see him naked, but it was even worse to think of this kid seeing him that way. Why would he have helped him before, Dean thought. He definitely needed to have a serious talk with this kid and get some answers.

"Are you sure? I can get a male nurse to help."

"I can handle it." Sam said checking out the bathroom. He made sure there were towels, shampoo and body wash. 

"I'll be right back with that bag." 

"I don't know about this." Dean started as Sam wheeled him in the bathroom. "Look kid, why don't..."

"Really, I've done this before and more." Sam replied positioning the chair beside the shower chair. "I'm going to slide you over to the other chair, let me do the work." 

"Here's the bag for his arm." the nurse called leaving the bag on the bed. 

"Thanks." Sam called stepping out to get it.

"I'm not..." Dean tried to complain again.

"Let's get this over your arm and this gown off." Sam cut him off as he untied and unsnapped the gown throwing it to the side. 

"Ok, some personal space here." Dean said feeling naked in only his briefs.

"Well get over it, here put this over you and I'll slip your briefs off." Sam said holding out a towel for his lap.

Dean grumbled to himself as he laid the towel across his lap before Sam hooked his hands in the waistband and pulled his briefs over his hips and worked them down his legs. Once he had them off, Sam started the water and adjusted the temperature. 

"Ok, here's the shampoo and some body wash, call me when you're done." he said pulling the curtain and giving him some privacy. 

The water felt so good as it ran down his body washing away the dirt and grim. He shampooed his hair and rinsed it, then squirted the wash on a wash cloth and began to work his way over his body as best as he could. His incision was tender, but looked good. Between the pt and this shower, he was drained. He let the water rinse the suds away and just sat there letting the spray beat on him.

"You ok in there?" Sam called through the door.

"Give me another minute." Dean answered not wanting to move out of the spray.

"Bobby brought you some clothes."

"Ok." he conceded finding he was going to need help getting out and drying.

"You done."

"Yes, you can come in." 

Sam entered the bathroom and shut the water off. He handed Dean a towel and took one himself to start drying his legs. Sam gave him a dry towel to replace the wet one in his lap covering him. 

"Do you want some sweats and a t-shirt or a hospital gown?" 

"Please, real clothes." he scoffed toweling his hair.

"Of course." Sam half smiled pulling clothes out of his bag. "Ok, let's slip you into the wheelchair."

Dean allowed Sam to slip his arms under his and pull him over to the chair that Sam had placed a towel on. He pulled briefs up Dean's legs and with Dean's help got them over his hips and in place. The sweat pants were next and then the t-shirt. Sam worked the sleeve over his cast and then let him pull it the rest of the way on.

"Ready for a nap?"

"More than you know." Dean grunted feeling his body signaling it had had enough and needed rest.

"The nurse brought you a couple of pain pills, so that should help." 

Sam got him to the bed and up on the side, helping him slip to the bed. He lifted his feet up and placed them on the bed as Dean leaned back letting out a deep breath. 

"Here, take these." Sam said handing him a cup with pills and some water. "Bobby went to get some coffee."

"Thanks." Dean replied taking the pills and washing them down with the water. "Yeah, tell him I can't stay awake."

"Get some rest, I already told him you'd be napping." Sam told him settling down in a chair as he flipped the television on and found some news. He kept the volume low so he wouldn't disturb Dean with the sound. He watched the tension drain from his brother's body as Dean lost the battle with sleep. Sam reached out and took his brother's hand in his squeezing it reassuringly. He had faith that Dean would get better, he had to, there was no other option.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sam looked at the door that opened and Bobby came back with coffee. He handed one cup to Sam and took a seat in the other chair.

"How's he doing?" he asked quietly.

"We went to pt and he took a shower." Sam answered softly. 

"That's a start."

"He remembered the Impala and the night Mom died in the fire. Did you know he carried me out of the house that night?" 

"No, never really got much on the details, just yer maw died and something supernatural killed her. Maybe this is good his memories seem to be coming back."

"I think so, I think he's remembering other things too, you know hunts." Sam said lowering his voice as he looked at Dean to be sure he was still asleep.

"We'll take it as it come son, at least he is remembering."

"Where's Dad?"

"Said he had a couple of things to do and would be up in a bit."

"Has the weather gotten better?"

"Yeah, snows stopped, suppose to get above freezing today so things should start thawing out. Roads are pretty good. We got yer brother's car put back together, he was doing some basic tune-up, checking brakes, so wasn't too bad."

"Seeing the car might trigger more memories, hell we pretty much lived in the thing for nearly eighteen years." Sam shook his head as his own memories danced around in his head.

"Dean get your brother and get in the car, we need to leave." John yelled to seven year old Dean who was chasing three year old Sam around the motel room.

"I'm trying Dad, Sammy wants to play." Dean complained as Sam crawled under the small table in the room to avoid capture. He giggled from under the table as Dean slid chairs out of the way to get him.

"Sammy, come on time to go." John called to the toddler.

"Don't wanna!" Sam whined as Dean finally got him by the shirt.

"We're goin' for a ride Sammy." Dean said dragging him to his feet.

"Varumm-rum-rum." Sam cried happily running on chubby legs toward the huge black car waiting for Dean to help him in the back.

With a shake of his head, Sam let the memory fade back into the back of his mind. He looked toward Dean who was trying to shift in his sleep and saw the pained expression cross his face before he settled back down.

"How did Dad seem?" Sam asked Bobby as he looked down at the floor.  
"Distant, didn't talk much, wouldn't elaborate on what he's been doing the past few months, suffice to say hunting."

"He always was secretive about thing, even to us." Sam agreed. 

They fell silent and watched the news on the television for awhile. Sam changed channels to a documentary on Alaska Gold Mining. Twenty minutes into the program, the door slowly opened and John walked in.

He surveyed the room, seeing Dean asleep and looked over to his youngest. 

"How's he doing today?" he asked Sam.

"Had his first pt session." Sam got out.

"And his memory?"

"I think it's coming back in bits and pieces."

"I'm going to be heading o..." John started as Sam whipped his head up and stared intently at him.

"You're leaving?" he questioned in shocked cutting him off.

"Yeah, seems like Dean's doing ok, I ne.."

"Can I talk to you outside?" Sam stated harshly getting up and heading for the door. His body was stiff and his hands were clenched tightly in fists as he walked madly out the door. Sam could feel the rage and anger beginning to build and push up wanting to be set free. His father hadn't changed any since he had left. He was still self-centered, obsessed, and blind to the needs of his sons.

Dean stirred and looked around the room in time to see John and Sam walk out. He heard their voices outside the door as they started to get louder and madder. He could hear Sam arguing and John becoming increasingly demanding and giving his son orders.

"Help me into the wheelchair." Dean requested from Bobby as he suddenly had the urge to protect the kid. He didn't like the arguing and loudness coming from behind the door. 

Bobby moved the wheelchair to the side of the bed and Dean showed him how to remove the arm so he could slip across into the seat. He was just getting settled in the chair when the sound of flesh hitting flesh and stumbling was heard, then silence. A silence that was to quiet to be good.

Booby released the brake and pushed Dean to the door of the room. He opened it as Dean pulled himself out of the room and looked up and down the hall. No one was in sight, the hall was quiet and empty except for several drops of blood on the floor beside his door.

"Where did they go?" he questioned urgently as the need to look after the kid surfaced again.

"Hell if I know." Bobby answered walking to the corner to look down that hall.

"I need to find him, can you wheel me around?"

"Sure son, where to?"

"He wouldn't have taken him, would he?" 

"Yer Dad? Not unless Sam wanted to go, but why would he?"

"I don't know the man, but I don't think I like him very much." Dean hissed as they headed for the elevator.

"Maybe he went to the cafeteria or outside for some air?"

"Without a jacket?"

"Let's check downstairs first." Bobby suggested as they waited for the elevator.

spn

Bobby pushed Dean on and pressed one for first floor. Dean fidgeted in the chair willing it to go faster. The elevator finally stopped on the first floor and the doors opened slowly. Bobby pushed Dean out and headed toward the cafeteria hoping to find Sam there.

"I'm going to leave you here and take a quick look." Bobby said stopping the chair out of the traffic near the door. "You stay here."

"Dude, like I'm going anywhere." he grumbled annoyed he couldn't see into the room.

A few minutes later Bobby made his way back to Dean's side. 

"Don't see him anywhere, let's check out front." 

Bobby rolled him back out and headed toward the front doors. Dean was looking around when he saw an enclosed area filled with plants, flowers and benches. It was labeled The Calming Room, but something in the back corner caught his eye. He could just make out a head of brown hair sticking up from behind some plants.

"Hey, over there, take me in there." he motioned to Bobby as they went pass the entrance. 

"You see something?"

"I think so." he answered pointing to the back corner.

There was no one else in the area as Bobby maneuvered the chair where Dean was pointing. Before they got to the corner, soft sobs could be heard wafting up from someone on the back bench. 

"I got this." Dean said quietly to Bobby as he took over rolling his chair the rest of the way. 

"I'll check to see if John is anywhere around." he nodded leaving the boys alone. He knew they would take care of each other, memories or not, the instinct was there.

spn

Dean quietly rolled over to the guy who says he was his brother. The closer he got, the more distinct the cries become. It broke his heart to hear the hopelessness, sorrow and grief in those sobs. What could have happened to cause him such anguish and upset him so was beyond Dean's understanding. It seemed there was something really wrong with this family dynamic that he was suppose to be a part of.

Sam stiffens and looks up, bracing for another fight until he sees Dean looking at him with concern. As a sob escapes his lips he lunges at him, falling to his knees in front of the chair. He franticly embraced Dean in a tight hug as heart wrenching sobs are softened by Dean's chest. Sam clings to Dean working his way as close as he can to him.

Dean surprised by the sudden movement holds his arms out at first, but slowly lowered and hugged the kid back. He couldn't comprehend why he was in such distress. Dean tried his best to calm him by talking softly and running a hand through his hair.

"I-I-mm 'orry." he hiccups out as the onslaught of tears continues. "'orry Dee." 

"Hey, it's ok, why are you sorry?" he asks quietly comforting his younger brother, feeling this was so right. He knew he needed to console and protect him, he was sure of this, even if he couldn't remember him. 

"M-m-my fault." he muffled into Dean's chest burying his head deeper into Dean's shirt.

Dean could feel his shirt soaking up the tears as Sam's hold on him tightened. It was like he was afraid to let go in fear of Dean disappearing. Dean began to rub small circles up and down his back and brushing his long hair out of his face as Sam begins to calm. 

Sam turned his head so he could pull in short, gasping breaths. His entire body shook in spasms as he tried to calm himself only to start crying again. They stayed in this position for what seemed like an hour when it was more like fifteen minutes. 

Dean was at a lose as to why the kid was so upset. When he turned his head to glance up, Dean saw dried blood on the corner of his mouth and chin. His lip was swollen and cut. A hardness sweep through Dean realizing what he had heard must of been John, their father, slapping him. This made Dean seethe with anger, no one hurt his brother. 

Pain bombarded Dean's head as shadows of memories bounced around behind his closed eyes. He sucked in a deep breathe and gritted his teeth against the pain as he gripped Sam tighter.

Sam sensed Dean's discomfort and turned his head to search his brother's face.

"You ok?" he wheezed out as concern flitted across his face as his red rimmed eyes tried to detect the cause of his hurt. 

"Head, pain." Dean's tormented voice whispered. 

Sam tired to pull away from his grasp, but Dean's grip was to strong. He wiggled in his arms trying to get him to understand he needed to let go.

"Dee, let go so I can help." Sam said taking a hand and cupping his face. "Hey let me get you back to your room."

"Don't!" he hissed trying to still him. Every move Sam made seemed to make his head pound harder. 

His arms were locked around the kid and he couldn't make himself release his grip. 

Tears were still dripping from Sam's face as he carefully untangled one hand and then the other from Dean's grasp. Dean hunched over breathing heavily as Sam turned the wheelchair and headed for the exit. He quickly made it to the elevator and got Dean on, pushing the buttons repeatedly trying to make it go faster.

As the door opened, Sam pushed Dean off and headed back to his room. Bobby stood up as Sam got Dean in the room and to the bed.

"What happened?" he inquired seeing Dean bend over in pain.

"Don't know, he said his head hurt." Sam said helping him back into bed. "Get a nurse; see if he can have some pain meds."

"Right." Bobby replied heading out of the room.

"Dee, can you hear me?" Sam asked him as he adjusted his pillow and covered him. "Say something, please." he pleaded.

His brother didn't answer him as he ran a hand over his face. Dean's body was limp and unresponsive to his touch. Sweat dotted his pale face as his breathing became uneven and his eyes rolled back in his head before he blacked out.

"What's the problem?" a nurse asked as she entered the room.

"He complained of his head hurting and then he blacked out." Sam rushed as he watched the nurse check his brother.

"Mr. Whitmire, Dean, can you hear me?" she asked checking his pulse and eyes. "Dean?"

Dean moaned and pulled away from the hand as he drew in a deep breathe. He tried to focus on the face in front of his as his vision blurred again and the world turned sideways. 

"Dean, you with me?" she asked getting him to look at her.

"Yeah." he finally got out as nausea assaulted him. He choked back the bile in his throat as the nurse grabbed a bowl for him to throw up in. She tilted him to the side so he could spit. Sam helped hold him rubbing his back until he was done.

"I'm going to get you something for nausea and pain." she said.

"Dee, I'm here." Sam told him accepting the wet cloth from Bobby and wiping his face. Dean's hand shook as he raised it to grip Sam's upper arm. "Take it easy, she'll be back in a minute with some meds. Relax ok; you scared the crap out of me." 

Dean gulped air as his body shuddered before stilling. The nurse returned with two syringes and alcohol wipes. She put on gloves and prepared the syringes. 

"I'm going to give you two shots, you're going to feel a prick." she explained as she wiped his arm and administrated the injections. "These should help with the pain and nausea, try to relax."

It hurt, but he nodded slightly before closing his eyes and letting his body sink into the mattress as he tried to shift to his side. Sam helped him adjust his body and reposition his pillows. Sam sat down on the bed holding his hand and carefully watching Dean's face closely. He watched Dean's chest rise and fall as his breathing finally slowed to a more normal pace.

"He'll be ok son." Bobby told him. His eyes hardened when he saw the blood and swollen lip Sam was sporting. "What happened?" 

Sam looked at Bobby and saw him staring at his mouth. He touched his lip tenderly and used the wet cloth to wipe the blood away.

"Nothing." he mumbled keeping his eyes downcast. 

"Sam, where's yer Dad?" Bobby asked slowly already knowing what the answer is going to be.

"Gone." he stated with no emotion in his voice.

"Damn." Bobby muttered shaking his head and cursing under his breathe. If he saw John Winchester again he was going to fill him with buckshot.

spn

The tension began to drain out of Dean as he let the meds pull him down into a deep, dark place where the pain would go away and he could rest. He let himself float in the mist of nothingness as he willed his mind to go blank. He can feel the gentle touch of someone wiping his face and rubbing his arm. Mumbled words lulled him to rest and let his body calm. He could feel his presence beside him and felt peace.

Exhaustion and stress claimed Sam as he snuggled down beside his brother to let sleep overtake him too. 

Bobby looked at the two boys and remembered the first time he saw them in the backseat of the Impala, Dean was five and Sam was a year old. They were curled up together like pups in a litter trying to give each other solace and warmth. Not much had changed over the years; the brothers were still trying to comfort and take care of the other. He unfolded a blanket and draped it over both the sleeping boys before snagging the remote to channel surf finally finding an old classic movie. He settled back and watched the show as the two boys he thought of as his own slept.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Both brothers were snoring softly, Sam tucked into Dean's back when an orderly brought in two trays of food. 

Bobby jerked awake and checked the boys to see they were still asleep. He was trying to decide whether to wake them when Sam stirred first from sleep. 

"Foods here kid." Bobby commented as Sam looked over at the tray. "Wake yer brother, he needs to eat."

"Dee, hey lunch is here." Sam said to his brother, shaking his shoulder carefully.

"Leave me 'lone." he mumbled pushing away the hand.

"Come on you need to eat, then you can sleep again." 

"No."

"I'm going to keep pestering you 'til you do." Sam shrugged.

"Alright." he griped rolling over and letting the bed up as he waited for Sam to help him move his legs. He had been testing his legs and it seemed everyday he could feel more and move them better. At the moment he could feel little pin pricks moving up and down the back of them.

Sam uncovered Dean's tray to find a small chicken breast, baked potato, steamed carrots, apple sauce, roll and pudding. His tray had the same this time.

"Here Bobby, I only want the baked potato, you eat the rest." Sam offered. He really wasn't hungry.

"Naw, you boys eat, I'm going to go get our stuff and turn in the motel room. I'll grab something while I'm out." he said getting up to leave. "Both of you get some more rest, I'll come back by before I head on home."

"Be careful." Sam replied.

"You just take care of that brother of yours."

"I'll try." they both said at the same time making each twitch a smile to their lips.

spn

Sam positioned the trays again and made sure everything was reachable for Dean. He watched him as he speared a carrot and smelled it before putting it in his mouth and chewed. He picked the breast up with his fingers and bit off a piece grimacing as he chew twice and started to spit it out until he saw the kid giving him such a face he continued to chew and swallowed.

Even if he didn't have his memory, it looked like his table manners hadn't changed. Sam shook his head as he opened a packet of salt and lightly sprinkled it over Dean's food.

"It's going to take more than salt to make this taste good. What do I usually eat? I've been having this craving for red meat."

"I guess nothing changes." Sam half smiled as he put one pat of butter on Dean's potato and the rest on his. "You need to eat to get stronger."

"Just kill me now." he whined eating the applesauce, at least it tasted ok.

"Stop whining and eat. How's the head?"

"Dull ache. Are you going to tell me about that?" he inquired looking to Sam's swollen lip.

"No." he replied looking down at his food as brief shadow of anger passed over his face before he returned to his food. 

Dean could tell by the look on his face he was not going to say anything. He decided to try another approach.

"Tell me about myself." Dean stated.

"What?" Sam questioned.

"You're supposed to be my brother, so tell me what do I like, dislike, job, girlfriend. Maybe something will trigger my memory."

"Oh...well...you like pie, no girlfriend, you like classic cars." Sam listed some general things trying to stay away from the more unbelievable facts.

"General, ok, so are you going to tell me about what happened earlier and why you're sorry and what's your fault?"

"Crap." Sam muttered under his breathe; of course he would remember those things. He fidgeted trying to decide what to do.

"Kid, it can't be that bad, why don't you just tell me?"

"Its complicated." he finally got out.

"Well un-complicate it, what aren't you telling me?" he commanded finishing off his pudding, at least that tasted ok.

Dean watched Sam's body stiffen and he could almost see wheels turning in his head as he tried to decide his next move. He saw a look of trepidation and maybe fear cross the kid's face. Dean was determined to get some answers from him, he needed them, and he was tired of not knowing who he was. Maybe he could get the pain to stop if he could get the memories out.

"I don't know if I should or not." Sam starts as he stacks their dishes and moves the table out of the way. "You may not believe me."

"Do you have any reason to lie to me?" 

"Well, no, but you may think I'm crazy or something." he continues sitting in the chair by the bed, trying to control the twitching of his hands so Dean wouldn't see it.

"Tell me about growing up." Dean continued not missing how nervous he seemed.

Sam huffs a laugh out and shakes his head as he looks out the window of the room. How was he going to explain that, Sam thought.

"Where did we live?" Dean asked, a simple question he thought would be easy to answer.

"We were both born in Lawrence, Kansas." Sam replied. "We lived there for just over four years."

Dean frowned and put together what the man, Bobby, had said and what he could remember from flashes of memory that was when their mother had died. He was four years old, so where did they go?

"Then what?" he encouraged.

"Our Mom died, November 2, 1982."

"House fire, yeah that's..." Dean started as the dull ache seemed to increase as soon as he tried to recall that time. He rubbed his temples trying to make the pain bearable. 

"Dee, you ok?" Sam queried seeing the pinched look on his face.

"Yeah yeah, go on, I need to know." he motioned for him to go on.

"Dad, he ah...well...we left, he found out some things and it wasn't safe for us there."

"Was she murdered?"

"The authorities said it was a gas leak, accident, but it wasn't."

"So who killed her then?"

"Not who, what."

"Come again?" Dean questioned not sure he heard him right. He pushed hard on the pain, willing himself to fight it.

"It was a demon." Sam started, looking up at Dean to see how he took that. "I know this sounds crazy, but there are things you need to know first."

Dean leaned back in the bed trying to figure out if he had heard the kid right, did he just say a demon. He wasn't sure what he meant by that. Maybe the kid did have some mental issues. He only had their word as to who he was.

"Hear me out, the monsters everyone thinks aren't real, well they are. You're a hunter, we all are, Dad, Bobby, I was, but I stopped when I started college. Ghost, vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, and more, yeah they're real. Our Dad trained us to hunt these things, sort of the family business. I guess that's why some of your memories are so out there to you. You're probably remembering hunts." 

"You know you sound insane right?"

"Yeah, why do you think I didn't want to tell you? Oh and you last name is Winchester, not Whitmire." Sam told him sitting back in the chair so Dean could mull on what he told him.

"Winchester, as in the gun?"

"Yeah."

"Knew something wasn't right 'bout that other name." 

Dean's head began to pound as he saw images in his mind of unbelievable things, shooting guns, hacking off heads of something, stabbing things; it was overloading his senses to where he couldn't breathe. 

"Hey, you alright man?" Sam asked getting up when he saw Dean had paled and was beginning to shake. He quickly pressed the nurse button and laid a hand on Dean’s forehead. It was sweaty and slightly warm.

"May I help you?" came a female voice.

"My brother needs something for pain."

"I'll be right in."

Sam wet a washcloth with cold water and was wiping Dean's face when the nurse came in.

"What seems to be the problem?" she asked Dean as she checked him briefly.

"Head, pounding, intense." he grimaced squinting his eyes.

"Alright, I'll be right back with something."

"So when you remember, you get headaches?"

"Something like that." 

"Maybe you're trying to hard, just let it come at little at a time, baby steps." Sam suggested.

"It hits all at once and can't control it." 

"Ok, here you go, these should help." the nurse tells him giving him some meds. 

Sam got his water and hands it to him. Dean gratefully takes the meds and washes it down with several swallows of water trying not to choke on the pills. 

"Let me know if you need anything else." 

"Thanks." Sam tells her as he observes Dean closely while they wait for the meds to kick in. He sees Dean's face start to relax and the creases on his face smooth. Sam looks up as Bobby comes back in the room.

Bobby sensed something has happened while he was gone. He sees the worried look on Sam's face and Dean pale and still in the bed.

"What happened?" Bobby asked Sam.

"Shush, not so loud." Sam says quietly as he rounds the bed to stand next to him. "I told him the basics."

"You what!"

"He wanted to know about himself. I told him about what we do and what's out there. Not everything."

"You think that was wise?"

"He needs to know he's not crazy and that what he's remembering is real."

"Did you tell him everything?"

"No, I couldn't, not now, not yet."

"It may be better if he hears it from you, not sure what his memories will be."

"I know, but I just can't right now Bobby, I'm afraid it'll cause more pain than help."

"If you think so, look I'm heading out, I'll be back tomorrow."

"Ok Bobby, stay safe."

"If you need me, call."

"I will."

Dean lay there listening to the exchange of conservation between the two men. What was he not being told? Dean thought. He kept his body still so they wouldn't know he was awake and listening. He didn't like not knowing and was going to make the kid tell him. He let his mind drift on the waves as sleep overtook him.

fourteen hours later

Sam was sleeping soundly in the cot beside his brother while Dean tossed and shifted in his sleep as he settled back down. Neither one felt the shift in the air nor the soft swish of what sounded like wings in the corner of their room.

The being stood in the shadows watching the guys sleep. He stepped closer to the bed and started down at the hunter as he slept. He had been watching these two men most of their lives. Neither knew the destiny that was before them and the challenges they would have to overcome, together and apart. The being laid a hand on the injured chest of the oldest and allowed grace to flow down his arm and heal the physical injures. The soft glow lasted for a few seconds before dispersing. With one final glance at the two men, the being stepped back and disappeared.

spn

Sam sat up quickly and looked around the room as his senses when on high alert. He looked over at his brother to be sure he was still asleep. Sam got up and quietly padded to the door and opened it looked out into the hall. There wasn't any movement; only soft sounds of equipment from other rooms reached his ears. He checked the bathroom to find it empty also. Sam shook off the creepy feelings, figuring it was just him being over stressed and tired. He went back to his cot and laid back down not sure if he would sleep anymore or not. He couldn't get rid of the sensation someone had been in the room with them. It was like the air was disturbed by some force making it charged with electricity. Sam rubbed the back of his neck trying to get the hairs to lie down and rub away that creepy feeling.

Sleep seemed to evade him as he listened to the noises of the night. Footsteps could be heard going down the hall, equipment in the rooms beside them hissed and beeped, a door creaked opened somewhere on the floor and he could heard the soft breathing snores of his brother. That one noise had lulled him to sleep more nights than he could count. It always made him feel safe for he knew his big brother was nearby and would protect him. Now it was his turn to watch over him and be sure he was protected,


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The doctor looked up from Dean's chart as he watched the young man carefully walk across the room with his brother following behind him. It couldn't be explained, all the swelling was gone around his spine, his chest and head wounds were healed more than time allowed. Even the arm was healed and didn't need the cast anymore. It was a mystery that would remain unsolved as far as the medical community was concerned. Sam didn't know whether to question Dean's good luck or just let it go. He was sure there was more going on here than they knew, but he didn't know what would have healed him.

"Well Mr. Whitmire, I'm releasing you this afternoon, I see no reason for you to remain here. As far as your memory, since you are starting to remember, I see that as a good sign that you will continue to remember. I'll write you a prescription for some pain meds if your headaches get unmanageable. I will start your discharge paperwork and get you out of here. Merry Christmas."

"Thanks doc." Dean smiled happy that he was vertical again. He walked the length of the room again happy to be able to do that without any pain.

"Thank you." Sam added shaking the doctor's hand. "Merry Christmas to you too."

"How long do you think it'll be?" 

"I'll call Bobby and have him bring the Impala to pick us up, probably couple of hours knowing how slow the system works."

"Can we stop and get something to eat, I could really go for a juicy burger right now." he said sitting on the edge of the bed.

Sam stopped and looked at his brother closely wondering if Dean realized what he said. Hopefully this was a good sign, if the memories came back slowly and didn't bombard him; maybe he wouldn't be crippled by them. Hopefully getting Dean into familiar surroundings would bring back the rest of his memories. He hoped his brother would forgive him and decide not to turn away from him again.

One thing he wanted to know was where the new scars on Dean's body had come from. He knew Dean couldn't tell him, so maybe Bobby knew what had happened. He wondered why Dean wasn't with their Dad, it's not like John let Dean go on many hunts by himself. There was a lot he didn't know about what happened after he left, he was going to try to get some of those questions answered.

spn

"Its hospital policy Dean, you have to ride in one." Sam complained throwing his arms up helplessly.

"Like hell, I can walk, why do I need that thing?" Dean growled looking disgustedly at the wheelchair. 

"Because you just do." Sam argued putting on the break so Dean could sit down. He swore it was like dealing with a five year old.

"No kid, I don't." Dean stated firmly before turning on his heels to leave.

Dean walked out of the room with Sam trailing along behind him grumbling about how some things didn't change. He had the discharge paperwork and a bag with what few items they had accumulated while being there tucked under his arm. He gave the nurse an apologetic smile as they got on the elevator.

spn

Bobby was waiting out front in the Impala as the boys exited the hospital. Dean looked at the sleek, black, beauty sitting in the afternoon sun that sparkled off her body. He sucked in a deep breathe as he walked over to it and ran a hand over the hood. Now this was a beauty. Flashes of riding in back of the Impala with a younger version of the kid came to mind. Another of him driving and the kid in the passenger seat passed by his eyes as he adjusts to the brief bout of pain.

"You ok?" Sam asks as he came up beside him.

"Yeah, so this is mine." he asked ignoring the dull ache.

"Yeah, Dad gave it to you. Get in." he said opening the passenger door.

"What, I don't get to drive?" Dean asked admiring the car.

"No way." Sam stated. "You just got out of the hospital and besides, you don‘t remember the way."

"Are you two goin' to stand there yappin' or are we goin' home?" Bobby griped as he waited for them to get in.

"Bobby can we stop and get an early dinner, Dean said he was hungry?" Sam inquired as he slid into the back seat.

"Sure, good to hear yer feeling better son." Bobby told Dean looking him over as he settled in the passenger seat. He was amazed at Dean's quick recovery, not sure what to make of it. They had checked the room, but found no signs of anything supernatural. "How 'bout Harry's Diner?"

"Sounds good." Sam acknowledged sitting back in the seat.

Bobby pulled away from the hospital and headed for the diner on the other side of the town. The drive didn't take long since the traffic was light still because of the weather.

spn

Bobby pulled into the parking lot and parked at the front of the diner. It being early, there were not many customers. Sam steered them to a corner table away from the other customers.

"So what do I usually order?" Dean asked Sam.

"You really like salads, baked or grilled chicken, that kind of thing." Sam said innocently not daring to look at Bobby who was doing his best to keep a straight face.

"You sure?"

"Hello! My name is Esme what can I get you to drink today?" she asked handing out menus, smiling just a little brighter at Dean.

Sam saw the exchange, but Dean seemed unfazed by her flirting. This was definitely a first for Dean who loved to flirt with any female around.

"Un-sweet tea." Bobby answered.

"Water no lemon." Sam added.

They both looked to Dean who was busy looking at the menu. 

"Sweet tea." Sam ordered for Dean.

"I'll get those right out for you." she chirped happily.

"You know these burgers look awfully good, you sure I don't eat them?" Dean asked eyeing Sam as he buried his face behind the menu, noticing he wouldn't look at him.

"Go ahead and order what you want." Bobby gruffed as the waitress came back with their drinks.

Food was ordered and Dean did a decent job of eating part of it. Sam watched him carefully as he chewed slowly on a bite of burger seeming to be in deep thought.

"Do I live with you?" Dean asked Bobby breaking the silence.

"No, you were visiting. You drop by when you can, help me out when I need it." Bobby answered slowly.

"Does he know, you know 'bout those things?"

"Yeah, Bobby's a hunter too." Sam answered quietly being sure no one heard.

"So we like hunted together?"

"Not often, you helped me out on a hunt not too long ago. You've mainly been hunting alone." Bobby explained.

"How 'bout this John person, my father? Doesn't he hunt too?"

"Yeah, pretty much a loner too."

Sam looked up at Bobby frowning wondering why Dean hunted alone, where was Dad? He needed to get Bobby alone and talk to him.

"Here you go, I'll take that when you're ready." the waitress said putting the check down.

"I got this." Sam said pulling some money out of his pocket along with Dean's necklace that a nurse had given to him when Dean was in the ER.

Dean paused in mid bite as he looked at the necklace lying on the table. With a trembling hand, he pulled the necklace closer to him staring at it intently. He picked it up and held it in his hand before slipping it over his neck letting it fall onto his chest. Bobby and Sam watched his reaction knowing memories were surfacing. An image slipped by of a young Sam giving him this a long time ago. A dull ache caused him to wince once before he pushed it down.

"Here Dean I want you to have this." a nine year old Sam said holding out a small package wrapped in funny paper.

"No, you said that was for Dad." a thirteen year old version of himself said.

"Dad's not here, I want you to have it." Sam insisted.

Dean took the package and slowly opened it finding an amulet on a leather throng.

"Sammy, I love it." Dean smiled slipping it over his head. "It's the best present I've ever gotten."

Dean shook his head slowly to dissolve the image that was playing in his head when he heard Sam talking to him but not catching the words he said.

"Come on, you need to rest." Sam said tossing some bills on the table and getting up. He knew his brother well enough to know when he was trying to hide his pain. 

Without any arguing, Dean slid out of the booth and followed his brother from the diner without arguing. He got in the passenger seat and waited for the others. He leaned his head against the cold glass letting the coolness ease his aching head. Bobby looked in the mirror at Sam who had a worried look on his face. Bobby knew Sam carried guilt about his brother's accident, no matter how much he told him it wasn't his fault.

spn

Dust was setting in as Bobby pulled the Impala into the salvage yard and parked in front of his house. Dean had dozed off and woke when the car stopped. He looked around as he got out of the car getting a sense of familiarly about the place. 

"Damn, read much?" Dean asked as he surveyed the stacks of books filling several rooms.

"Funny." Bobby spat back.

"Come on I'll show ya where our room is and you can lie down." Sam offered heading for the stairs.

"If you say so." Dean sighed not wanting to admit he wanted to lie down.

spn

Bobby was pouring coffee when Sam came back downstairs and into the kitchen. He accepted the offered cup of coffee and sat at the table adding sugar and milk.

"Bobby what happened to Dean after I left?" Sam asked softly sitting at the kitchen table.

The older hunter sipped his coffee before answering, "I can't tell you for sure, just what I heard. Seems Dean left yer Dad when you did. He went to hunting on his own, heard he became cold, ruthless, calculating and unemotional." Bobby started. "Saw some of it for myself."

"Why didn't he come find me?"

"Maybe he thought you didn't want to see him? Did you try calling him?"

"No, I know I should of. It's just...damn...should of called." Sam berated himself. "It my...."

"Stop it! I've had enough of your self pity party. It's in the past, you can't change it, you're going to have to get past it. You need to be there for your brother now."

"How's he going to feel when he remembers? When he realizes I left him?"

"Well now you have a chance to tell him, so don't mess it up."

"How do I even start?" he sighed looking down at the floor. "What if he doesn't want to have anything to do with me after I tell him?"

"You take it one step at a time; don't sell your brother short, he loves you more than you'll ever know."

"Thanks Bobby." Sam half smiles at his adopted father knowing his wisdom just might get him through all this. He has to hope his brother will forgive him and they can find that connection again. 

"Well I got some work I need to do." Bobby said getting up from the table. 

"Think I might turn in early, it's been a long day." 

Sam trudged up the stairs and to the bathroom before stepping into their bedroom. He pulled off his boots and jeans and slipped into some sweats before throwing back the covers and crawling into his bed. He settled the covers over him as he signed letting his body relax into the mattress. He listened to his brother shifting in the bed beside him and smiled. It felt so right, both of them together again, he could only hope Dean will listen and understand when he told him about his leaving and how the accident happened.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are reading my story, only a couple of chapters left. Thanks for the kudos hope you enjoy.  
> NC

Chapter 17

The next week went by quickly, much to everyone's surprise. They each settled into a routine trying to give space where needed. Sam tried to answer any questions Dean asked while he built up the courage to tell him about his leaving that changed his brother's life and contributed to the accident.

Bobby strolled in from the garage to find Sam making sandwiches for lunch.

"Hey, Bobby you hungry?" Sam asked holding out a plate with a sandwich. He looked behind Bobby expecting Dean to be behind him. "Where's Dean?"

"I thought he was in here with you." Bobby answered looking toward an empty living room. 

Sam dried his hands and looked out the window. The Impala was still parked out front and Dean was not in it. He walked toward the front of the house and checked the front porch seeing no sign of his brother. A thread of panic began to set in as he checked the bathroom downstairs and headed upstairs to check their bedroom, thinking maybe Dean had decided to lay down for a short nap.

The door to their bedroom was open and Sam paused in the shadows looking into the room. He sucked in a deep breath when he saw Dean propped up in his bed intently reading a book, his journal. Sam had forgotten it was in the bottom of his bag. The brothers were respectful of the other's journal and did not invade that privacy. Their journals were for their eyes only and it had never been a problem before now. Sam had no idea what Dean had written in his beside information on hunts. He didn't know if Dean had written about him leaving for college or when he left Dad and this scared him. He had included a few private thoughts in his own and wasn't sure he would want anyone to read it.

"I know yer're there." Dean said just loud enough for Sam to hear.

Sam blushed slightly as he stepped out of the hall and into the bedroom.

"What ya doin'?" he asked cautiously.

"Found this in the bottom of my bag, thought it might give me a little more insight to who I am."

"Oh." Sam said looking down at his feet not really sure what to say.

"Looks like I pretty much raised you after the fire." he stated looking up from his reading.

"Yeah, you did, and more. You gave up a lot for me, don't know if I've ever told you thanks for that." 

"Have you read this?" he asked Sam closing the journal and holding it in his lap.

"No, we agreed that was something that should be kept private."

"Good." Dean nodded putting it back in his bag and zipping it up. "Lunch ready?"

"Yeah." Sam replied unsure how to process this exchange with Dean. He looked back at Dean's bag curious, but not willing to break the trust the brothers had regarding this.

He hoped there was nothing that would set back the progress they were making. He wanted to have his brother back in his life so he could feel whole again. He had always felt an emptiness deep in his soul after leaving and nothing he did could fill it. No matter how busy he kept himself or how much he threw himself into his classes, that emptiness never left him.

spn

Sam was going to be sure that this Christmas was done right. He was going to be with his brother and adopted father and he wanted to make it a good one. He had done some shopping and picked up a turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green beans, rolls, gravy and the makings for an apple pie and pumpkin pie. He hoped Bobby knew more than he did about cooking.

"You got any idea what you're doin'?" Bobby asked him when he came into the kitchen to find Sam pouring over a cookbook with a frantic look on his face.

"Do you have a Dutch oven? What is that anyway?" he asked trying to decipher the recipe.

"Son, I think you're out of your league here." he grunted shaking his head as he headed out to the garage to see how Dean was doing.

spn

The last few days, Dean had been helping Bobby in the garage working on some cars. His memories were flitting around in his head, some coming back, others still just on the cusp of his mind. General things, like knowing how to work on cars seemed automatic and easy to pull up. Others, especially the ones regarding his brother, didn't want to surface. The pain generated when he tried usually put him in bed, so he steered clear of them. 

Sam scrolled through the Cooking for Dummies book on the laptop and studied the instructions hoping to get some insight into how to fix a Christmas dinner. He made notes and switched to another site. He was a smart person, he could do this, Sam thought scribbling more notes hoping he could pull this off.

"Hey kid, what you doin'?" Dean asked still not feeling comfortable calling him by his name. He was sure that the kid was his brother, but he couldn't do it yet, it didn't feel right.

"Teaching myself to cook." Sam mumbled checking his notes and scribbling additional ones.

"Want some help?" he asked washing his hands at the sink. 

"You know how to cook?"

"Maybe."

"Great! Want to try your hand at pies?" 

"I seem to like pie. Why not."

"Here's a couple of basic recipes that don't look too hard." 

Sam handed him a couple of printouts he had found online. Dean took the papers and leaned back against the cabinet to read them over. Didn't look too hard to him.

"So you got all the ingredients?" 

"Yeah, think so, check on the counter behind you."

"Ok, well let’s get this show on the road." he said rubbing his hands together.

It wasn't long before delicious aromas wafted from the kitchen. Dean had pies in the oven and Sam was cooking the sweet potatoes and trying to figure the ins and outs of dressing preparation. Bobby wandered into the kitchen to find the boys standing in the kitchen surrounded by stacks of dirty dishes, dirty pots, and baked pies cooling.

"I hope you intend to clean your mess up." he stated looking around the kitchen.

"Of course." Sam replied wiping his hands on his jeans that were covered in flour, water, pieces of bread crumbs, and bits of diced veggies.

"Well just see that ya do." he scoffed heading to his office muttering about idjits and messes. 

spn

Bobby dropped into his seat and pulled the text he was reading back in front of him as he listened to the boys talking in the kitchen. He heard a couple of strange crashes from that way, not even wanting to know what they were doing, when he heard Dean let loose a couple of choice words as Sam chuckled in the background. He shook his head and smiled to himself, it was good to have his boys in the house again, even if Dean didn't remember yet.

With the kitchen cleaned, pies cooling and dressing made, the boys sat down at the kitchen table with beers.

Sam took several sips to help work up his courage. He needed to talk to Dean about that day and now was as good a time as any.

"Dean can I talk to you?" Sam started.

"Sure kid, what's on your mind?"

Sam looked down at his beer biting his lower lip, as he ripped the paper label from the bottle trying to decide how to start.

"Go ahead, spit it out." Dean urged sitting back waiting to see what was on the kid’s mind.

"I wanted to tell you 'bout what happened the day I left for college." Sam began. "Dad and I had been butting heads for a while and I wanted out. It seemed like all we did was fight and disagree on everything. I wanted something more out of my life than just being a hunter. Dad was so obsessed, well still is, with finding the demon that killed Mom, I couldn't take it anymore. I worked so hard in school and when I was accepted at Stanford and got a full ride, I couldn't pass it up. It was like a gift, I saw it as my way out." Sam's voice cracked on the last few words, trying desperately to make Dean understand his point of view back then.

Dean listened carefully as he felt that dull ache rearing its head but he tried to push it back down. He wanted to know what happened. He saw John, their father, with this kid in a motel room fighting, almost coming to blows. No, he didn't want to see this; he didn't want to hear anymore. He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumb and index finger.

"You ok?" Sam asked seeing flashes of pain race across Dean's face. "I don't mean to cause you pain, but I want you to know what happened, try to explain. You deserve to know. I didn't handle it too well back then...I should have told you I was leaving...I should of contacted you after I left." Sam rambled faster before he lost the courage to tell him. "I missed you so much man. I was afraid if I told you, you would talk me out of it or tell Dad before I was ready to leave and he would have stopped me. I was afraid I would start doubting my choices and change my mind. And when you didn't say anything or try to stop me, I thought...I thought you agreed with Dad and didn't want me back. I...I'm sorry Dee. I didn't know you were gonna be here when Bobby invited me for the holidays and from your reaction...You didn't know I was coming."

The pounding began to increase as he tried to stop the memories from bleeding through. 

"Stop, no!" Dean cried pressing his hands to his temples. 

"Dee, are you ok?" Sam asked. "You need some pain meds?"

"Give me a minute." he grimaced taking a couple of deep breaths to calm his racing heart.

"You want me to stop?"

"No, just give me a moment." Dean gritted through clenched teeth.

Sam sat back and sipped his beer scared by how his brother looked. He was beginning to see a pattern now. It seemed like whenever Dean tried to remember the painful things, he was blocking them by physical pain. Maybe he didn't want to know and that was his safety release, the pain stopped the memories from surfacing.

"What did he say?" Dean finally asked already knowing but wanting to hear it from Sam.

"He told me if I left to not ever come back." Sam whispered.

It was there, he heard the words coming from John's mouth, and then the kid walked out the door. He had done nothing to stop it or the kid leaving. This was his fault too. Why didn't he stand up for him, gone after him to tell him he was proud of him? He should of saw him when he was at Stanford.

"It's my fault what happened afterwards, I should of told you I was leavin'. I don't know for sure what happened after I left; just you left too and started huntin' alone. I never knew, I should of called you. I shouldn't have let that come between us. I'm so sorry, sorry for everything."

Dean got up from the table and walked toward the back door.

"Where are you goin'" Sam asked cautiously.

"A drive." he said grabbing his coat and walking out the door without another word.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Bobby looked up from his reading and noticed the sudden quiet coming from the kitchen. It was an unsettling quiet he didn't like so he went to investigate. He found Sam sitting at the table and heard the Impala start up outside.

"What's goin' on?" he asked a beaten down Sam.

Sam looked up as a tear escaped from one eye and made its way down his cheek.

"I told him about me leaving, I think he was remembering it too." he said dejectedly. "Said he was goin' for a drive."

"It'll be ok son." Bobby comforted him. "He just needs some me time, give him a little space."

"Think he'll come back?" he asked hopefully looking at Bobby.

"I'm sure he will, hey it's Christmas Eve, and we have pie." Bobby encouraged Sam not really sure if Dean would be back or not, but didn't want Sam to know that.

Sam slumped on the table feeling guilty, anxious, uneasy, remorseful, regretful, sadness, and relief all at the same time. It was causing major overload to his system as his mind raced unstoppable going over all that he had said. Did he say too much or not enough? Had he lost his brother for good?

"Here, looks like you need this." Bobby commented pouring him a shot of whiskey and setting it on the table in front of him. 

Sam looked up and saw the glass. He tried to decide if he could get his hand to respond and pick up the glass. He eventually got it to cooperate and lifted the trembling glass to his lips letting the amber liquid flow down his throat, feeling it burn all the way down. He coughed and cleared his throat as his eyes watered slightly from the strong taste. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Sam got up and covered the cooled pies. He stored them for lunch tomorrow and decided to see if Bobby needed any help while he waited for Dean to return.

spn

Dean pulled out of the salvage yard and aimlessly headed for town with no specific destination in mind. He knew he shouldn't have left, but he needed time alone to think. A wave of guilt had washed over him as memories of that day had flooded back. He blamed himself for not speaking up, for not standing up for his little brother. 

It wasn't long before he was slowly making his way down the main street of Sioux Falls. Traffic was heavy as people were doing last minute shopping. Dean saw an open bar and pulled into the parking lot. 

He paused briefly after entering the dimly lit bar letting his eyes adjust. There were a few patrons sitting at the bar as he made his way toward the end a few stools away from anyone to discourage anyone talking to him.

"What'll you have there sir?" the bartender asked moving in front of Dean.

"Let me have a beer and a shot of Jack."

"Coming right up." he said drawing a mug and bringing back to him and pouring a shot. "Doing some last minute shopping?"

"Nope, just needed some me time." 

"Hear ya. We'll be closing in a couple of hours, holiday and all."

"I was only going to have one."

"Enjoy and Merry Christmas."

spn

Dean downed the shot first, letting it burn down his throat before sipping some beer. He nursed the beer for thirty minutes before finishing and deciding to leave. He threw a couple of bills on the bar and headed back out. He was not ready to go back yet, so he decided to walk down Main Street. Some shops were already closed and others were closing soon.

It would be Christmas tomorrow and he needed to decide if he was going to stay or just get back in his car and drive. The kid had bought all that food for a Christmas meal, he seemed so determined to make it a happy event. Could he disappoint him like that, especially after all he'd done for him while in the hospital and even now trying to make things right. 

The sun was sinking slowly behind the trees as Dean continued up the street stopping at a store that was still open. He pushed the door open and strolled in glancing around the store. He picked up a bottle of whiskey for Bobby and tried to think of something for the kid. He was in college so what would he need? Dean walked down several aisles looking around. This was harder than he expected since he couldn't even remember what the kid liked.

After walking around the store twice, Dean headed for the cash registers with his items. He paid for everything and gathered up his bags. He walked back toward the Impala zipping his jacket and turning up the collar since the wind blowing down the street had flakes of snow and ice. He hunched down in the jacket picking up his pace as he saw his car in sight. Dean put his purchases in the back and jumped in starting up the car to let it warm up. He looked at his watch, it was past dinner time, maybe he'd grab a quick sandwich before heading back. 

spn

Sam looked out the window one more time before pacing back to the kitchen. He was worried about Dean and was trying to decide whether to borrow a car from Bobby and go looking for him.

"Sam, will you settle down, your brother will be ok." Bobby advised him. 

"What if he wrecked again?" 

"He's fine, stop worrying; you're going to give yourself a panic attack or me a heart attack. Why don't you go on to bed?"

"I can't, not until I know he's ok. I called but only got voice mail, he even missed dinner." he argued as he continued his pacing.

"He probably got something out, now go. It won't make he come home any faster you worrying yerself to death."

"Alright, but if you hear anything..."

"I'll wake you up." 

Sam reluctantly headed up the stairs and to their bedroom. He didn't want to admit it, but he was tired and worrying about Dean only made it worse. He stripped and donned his sleep sweats and tee-shirt. After using the bathroom, he threw himself onto the bed. In mere minutes he already in alpha sleep trying to stay alert enough to hear his brother come back.

Bobby waited thirty minutes to be sure Sam wasn't coming back down before going to his bedroom and bringing out a three foot artificial tree and placing it in the living room on an end table. He plugged in the lights and checked to see if any ornaments had fallen off in the move. The tree sparkled as the lights blinked on and off casting a warm glow on the wall. It wasn't much, but it did make it seem more like Christmas. He placed two wrapped gifts under the tree and stood back to admire his work. Satisfied, he headed back to his bedroom to get some sleep.

spn

A few flakes of snow were falling as Dean eased the Impala up the driveway of the salvage yard. He parked by the garage hoping the occupants inside were already in bed and he didn't want to wake them. He couldn't take another encounter with the kid tonight; everything was still too raw to face him.

He pulled his bags out of the car and retrieved the six pack he had snagged from the convenience store. Careful not to make too much noise, he slipped in through the back door. He sat his purchases on the table and walked quietly into the other room. He stopped short by the small blinking tree sitting on an end table. Guess someone was trying to get into the holiday spirit, Dean thought. He made his way to the stairs and crept up slowly.

Bobby watched from his bedroom door to be sure it was Dean sneaking around in his house. He saw him head for the stairs as he closed his door back smiling to himself. Thank God that boy came back because he didn't know what he would have done with his younger brother if he decided to leave. Sam would have been devastated and no amount of comfort would of helped. 

spn

Dean pushed the bedroom door open and could see a mound on one of the beds. He moved closer and could just make out by the moon light filtering through the window the innocent face of his baby brother. He was curled on his side with his hands tucked beneath his chin. Dean pulled the covers from the bottom of the bed up over the sleeping form, tucking them in around his body. He ran a gentle hand through the kid's hair brushing it out of his face. Sam turned toward the touch sensing comfort and safety. He grunted in his sleep looking for the touch again. Dean leaned down and brushed his lips over Sam's forehead whispering, "Sweet dreams little brother and Merry Christmas."

spn

By the light from over the sink, Dean used it to sort his purchases and to cut the wrapping paper to wrap each gift. He had never really wrapped presents, so they were not the neatest, but he got it done. He sipped a beer as he struggled with the tape dispenser, calling it a few choice words as the tape stuck to him and not the package. When the last one was done, he sat back and admired his handiwork. Dean gathered the gifts and took them to the living room placing them under the tree. 

He sat back on the couch and took a long swig of his second beer letting the stress and tension drain from him. He stretched out on the couch and let his eyes close as sleep overtook him, letting him drift into a dreamless sleep, floating in darkness and suspended in the emptiness. Dean's body twitched in his sleep as memories of other holidays drifted through his mind.


	19. Chapter 19

Well, here it is, the final chapter, I've come to the end of the road. We've pulled over and have stopped to enjoy the view. Hope you like how I ended this, if you haven't commented before, please leave me a few words on what you thought about the story, I do love to hear from you, it gives me the inspiration to write more.

Once again thank you to all who came along for the ride, you guys are awesome.  
NC

 

Chapter 19

A humming in his ears brought Sam out of his slumber as he turned off the alarm. He needed to get the turkey in the oven so it would be ready for lunch. He looked over at the other bed and saw it was empty and had not been slept in. A heavy sadness settled over him as he hung his head trying to keep his eyes from tearing up. He didn't come back, Dean had left him. This was not the day he had planned. With a heavy heart, Sam pushed his way out of bed and went to the bathroom. He tossed his clothes to the bed and slipped on jeans and t-shirt before heading down to the kitchen to get the turkey in the oven. He brushed the stray tears away that broke free from his eyes so he could see clearer.

With his vision blurred from the tears, he almost missed a lump lying on the couch. Sam pulled up short when he saw the sleeping figure. As he eased closer, he saw it was Dean snoring softly from his prone position, an arm thrown over his head to block out the light. A breathe caught in his throat as he clenched his jaw to keep quiet and not wake his brother. His vision blurred more as his eyes filled with tears of happiness. He hadn't left, he came back, such a sense joy spread through his body that he couldn't stand still. His whole body twitched with excitement; they were going to have a Christmas, a real Christmas with turkey and stuffing and even pie.

The blinking of lights caught his eyes and he saw the little tree blinking off and on and the gifts under it. He was not sure who had brought the tree, Bobby or Dean, but it was perfect, it made the day. Sam hurried into the kitchen to turn the oven on and into the laundry room to pull the gifts he had hidden there earlier. He crept back into the living room and placed them with the others under the tree. Sam saw the two empty beer bottles sitting on the table and knew his brother at least wasn't drunk last night; maybe that was a good sign.

He went back into the kitchen and pulled the turkey out of the fridge and sat it in the sink. He got his roaster pan ready with a roasting bag. After washing the turkey, he slipped it into the bag and zipped it shut cutting two holes for air before slipping it in the oven. He set his timer for three hours and looked at his list to see what was left to do. He had the green beans ready to steam, dressing ready to cook, sweet potatoes ready to cook. The only thing left would be to make gravy once the turkey was done and heat the rolls. 

Sam started a pot of coffee and wondered if he should wake his brother or let him wake on his own. Bobby wandered into the kitchen seeing the coffee was already perking. 

"Merry Christmas son." Bobby said seeing a sparkle in Sam's eyes and knew it was from the sleeping figure on his couch.

"Merry Christmas Bobby." Sam smiled brightly as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"See yer brother made it back."

"Yeah, my only Christmas wish came true. He came back." Sam exclaimed shifting from foot to foot. "He came back." he whispered again to himself.

"I'm glad son."

"Come on let's have coffee and open our gifts." Sam told him pouring coffee into three cups.

Bobby took one cup and Sam carried two cups into the living room and to the couch.

"Hey, Dee, wake up, Merry Christmas." Sam called to him nudging his leg.

"Wh-what?" Dean mumbled racking his hand down his face to wipe sleep away. He found his brother holding out a cup of coffee with a big smile on his face.

"Come on, wake up." Sam urged again pushing his legs away to sit down. "Looks like Santa came last night, let's see what he brought." Sam eagerly picked some of the gifts off the floor and read the name tags.

"Bobby this one is for you and this is for you and this one is for me." he read handing out the gifts.

Bobby and Dean accepted the gifts looking at them closely as Sam sat back down looking at his gift. This was new too all of them, they we're sure how it was suppose to work. They opened their gifts together. Bobby found several pairs of heavy wool socks from Dean, Dean and Sam had packets of tube socks from each other. They looked at the socks and laughed softly.

"Guess like minds think alike." Dean smiled laying them beside him as he sipped his coffee to wake him up more.

"Ok, here you go Bobby, these are yours." Sam told him laying four gifts in his lap. "And these have your name on them." He laid three gifts in Dean's lap and took the remaining three.

"Boys, you both got good taste." Bobby smiled holding up two bottles of whiskey, one from each of them.

"Bobby, this is..." Sam started looking at a nicely leather bound journal with his initials on the front.

"It's great." Dean finished checking out his own journal.

"Boys, you did too much." Bobby commented holding up a warm down vest and a nice pair of gloves.

"Dee, I love them." Sam told him pulling out the pen and pencil set and examining them. There were also refills for both included. 

"My Baby." Dean smiled holding up a light grey Henley shirt with an air brushed black Impala identical to his Baby on the front of it. "This is perfect."

"One last one." Sam told him nodding to the small package left.

Sam watched in anticipation while Dean picked up the gift and pulled the paper off of a box. He slowly opened the box and pulled back some tissue paper to find a 4 x 6 framed picture of their Mom and him when he was small. With it was a laminated picture of two guys. He looked closer and saw that it was a younger Sam and himself posing outside on a spring day. As he turned it over, he saw another picture on the back, one of a young woman with long blonde hair smiling up at him.

"Mom." Dean whispered rubbing a finger across the image. He looked over at Sam with such emotions flitting across his face that he could hardly speak. "Thanks Sammy, I love them."

Bobby and Sam looked at him in surprise; he had called Sam by his nickname, Sammy.

"What?" Dean asked looked at the two startled men.

"You called me Sammy." Sam finally spoke quietly as he bit his lip to keep from crying again as tears welled up in his eyes. 

"It's your name ain’t it?" Dean asked still lovingly looking at the pictures. He planned on putting the small one in his wallet to carry it with him always.

"Yeah, but you haven't called me that since I left." Sam choked out. "I saw the original picture in your wallet when I was looking for your id at the hospital. It was getting ragged and I didn't want it to get destroyed." 

"You did good little brother. You got one more to open." Dean replied eyeing the last gift trying to get out of the chick-flick moment.

Sam looked down at the unforgotten wrapped box in his lap and with trembling hands and began to pull the paper off. He turned the box over and his mouth dropped open as his eyes widened. It was a tablet, a nice one too. He had looked at several different ones, but it was more than he could afford."

"Dee." he said. "It's..." Sam started as he tried to get the words out. This alone spoke more to Sam letting him know Dean was ok with Sam, he understood.

"Thought you could use it in college." Dean shrugged as in no big deal trying to move on.

Without another word Sam threw his arms around his big brother and hugged him tightly as tears dripped down his face onto Dean. Dean sat there for a moment before returning the hug holding Sam tightly. 

"I love you Dee." Sam mumbled into Dean's neck as he felt Dean's arms tighten around him. This was what he wanted; he felt that sense of safety once again.

"Love ya too, little brother." Dean whispered back knowing how right this felt.

Those were the words Sam had been waiting to hear from Dean. He knew now everything was going to be ok between them. He had his big brother back in his life again, that was the best present of them all. He didn't need anything else.

Bobby looked away and wiped a tear from his eye. It was going to be a very good Christmas after all. His boys had made peace and were on the road to being a family again. He couldn't ask for a better Christmas gift than that.

spn

Lunch was a success, down to the pies. They ate their fill and relaxed watching football and napping the afternoon away. A fresh layer of snow blanketed the surroundings casting it into a winter wonderland. The air was crisp and fresh and clean. 

Dean even tricked Sam outside and bombarded him with snowballs, only to have Sam tackle him to the ground and shove snow down his shirt and pants to retaliate. Bobby stayed neutral amazed at how quickly two grown men could change into kids. He shook his head and headed in to start some hot chocolate.

spn

Dean decided to drive Sam back to Stanford so they could spend some one on one time together. He had most of his memories back, but wanted Sam to fill in a few blank spaces of their childhood. They were bonding again, they were becoming brothers again. They still had issues to sort out, but both were going to give it a shot. The emptiness and hole each had in their soul was filled. Together they felt whole once more.

Dean began to understand Sam's reason for wanting to leave, to get away from hunting, to try and be normal. He didn't like Sam being alone at school, afraid he was too vulnerable, but Sam promised to take precautions and watch his back. They were even looking at getting a two bedroom apartment near campus so Dean would have a home base and Sam wouldn’t have to worry about staying in the dorms. They were trying to make a life for themselves the best they knew how.

Dean was going to continue to hunt, but was going to stay in the west so he could visit with Sam when he could. They planned on staying in touch and seeing each other when possible. Sam made Dean promise to be more cautious on the hunts he took; he didn't want to lose him to a hunt gone wrong. He even agreed to be backup if Dean needed him. They were family again; he didn't want that to ever change no matter what the future held for them.

 

The End.


End file.
